Deep Dive with Dr D
Discussions on life and living with Dr D. A man who has risen from the lowest depths of life to the amazing life he has now.
Deep Dive with Dr D
The Power of Persistence
Rejection and setbacks are inevitable parts of any meaningful journey, but they don't have to derail your progress. Drawing from personal experience as a former felon who overcame addiction and depression to become a respected professor, I share how embracing rejection transformed my life and can change yours too.
The core message is refreshingly simple yet powerful: "I've heard 'no' more than I've heard 'yes,' but I don't let it stop me." This mindset shift creates what I call the "grit advantage" – the resilience that propels you forward when others give up. I explain why receiving anything other than a hard "no" means you're already halfway to success, and how to use this perspective to maintain momentum toward your goals.
Through stories from my hometown of Tacoma (nicknamed "Grit City") and my experiences mentoring college students, I reveal why employers consistently choose candidates with positive attitudes over those with superior technical skills. This insight is crucial for anyone navigating their career path: effort and perseverance matter more than natural ability in the long run.
The most practical section covers how to build your own grit through specific strategies: establishing a consistent morning routine (which pulled me out of depression), taking small daily actions, practicing delayed gratification, reflecting on progress, and celebrating incremental wins. I share how these techniques helped me complete my doctorate even after quitting multiple times, and how a simple "Don't quit" note from a colleague kept me going.
Take a moment to reflect on your own grit journey. What obstacles have you already overcome? You're likely more resilient than you realize. Try journaling about these experiences to recognize your inner strength and prepare for whatever challenges lie ahead.
You're going to make mistakes, you're going to trip and fall, you're going to have setbacks. You're going to get no's. One of my taglines for my life that I give to you today if you haven't heard me say it before is I say this I've heard no more than I've heard yes, but I don't let it stop me. Right, you're going to get no's. And here's a little one I want you to burn into your brain. If you're working toward a goal, or if you're asking for a promotion, or if you're asking for a job or whatever it is a contract, I don't know and you get anything other than a hard no, you're halfway to yes. Oh, if you get a maybe or you know, not right now, come talk to me later, man, you're halfway to yes. But even with that, I've heard no a lot, right? If you follow me and you know my life story, I I've wow. I was a convicted felon from 1995 to 2010. And I'm going to tell you, you get a lot of no's. I didn't let it stop me. You know, I'm a person in recovery and early recovery. I had a lot of financial. It was just I've heard no a lot, and it can be defeating, it can feel crappy, but I don't let it stop me. So we're talking about the grit advantage. I believe it's an advantage. You know, what I love is Tacoma is where I'm from. I'll always be a city boy at heart and I'm from the city of Tacoma and it's known as Grit City and you know it's a city that gets a bad rap. But you know what? Tacoma is a great city Like. I live in central Washington now and I live in Ellensburg a great little city and I think of Yakima, a great little city, and I think a Yakima like Yakima actually has grit. And some people go oh, yakima is terrible. Does it have bad parts? Sure, but it also has good parts.
Speaker 1:I say this to students. So my day job is a college professor and I love teaching, but what I really love is mentoring students in all. You know, like I tell students you can come to my office, let's talk about the class If you're struggling, for sure, if you're talking, if you're struggling with your major, if you're struggling because your dog died or your relationships, let's, let's talk right. I love mentoring students and helping them to get to their goals and when students come into my office, I share parts of my life with them, if I feel it can help them see that they're not alone, right? I think an aspect of grit is surrounding yourselves with people who are gritty if I use that term who you know, and if your life has been great and you haven't encountered a lot of stumbles and you've heard yes, more than you've heard no, dude, I'm going to applaud you on. I think that's great.
Speaker 1:Most people, though, that's not how life goes for them, and when students come to my office and they sit and they struggle to my office and they sit and they struggle, I say you know, one thing I do is I listen. I'm trying to get to my point here, but I want to say it in the right way, because I don't want people to go oh my gosh, you know I. What I say is I'm I've been through a lot in my life and I don't want what I've been through for anyone. Like I've been through some really dark stuff, I've behaved in ways that I would never recommend. I've had things done to me that I'm just like oh, it's atrocious. I don't want that for anyone, but I do like not like in the like yay, when people trip and fall and they keep going right, like if a student doesn't get the grade they wanted because maybe they didn't study or maybe the professor was terrible or whatever it was, and they keep going. Man, I'm like I'm a champion of that. Let's, let's do that right. Any athlete will tell you that they didn't become great in one day. They they became great through practice, through tripping and falling through. You know, listening to their coach, not listening to their coach, and finally listening to their coach through being a team member after they realized, you know, not being a team member and making it just about me, that was actually terrible and I need to keep pushing through and be a good team member. Right, that's grit, that's a beautiful thing.
Speaker 1:I say something else to young people when talking about interviewing for jobs. Companies will hire for someone who is willing to work as part of a team, someone they want to work with. This is kind of the saying if you interview for a job, and usually within a very short period of time, whoever is interviewing can kind of get a sense yeah, you know, I'd want to work for this person because you seem, you know, kind or respectful, or you espouse things in your words how you say you want to be part of the team. You want to help the company move forward. They will hire for that over talent, any day of the week. And here's how I describe it. You can have the most technical skills out there, you can be the most proficient, and you can have a candidate who maybe isn't as proficient but has a can-do, positive attitude. Maybe you don't. They're going to hire that person, right? I say that to young people.
Speaker 1:So talent versus grit, right, effort matters more than natural ability. I've read some books on, you know, natural ability. Is it natural ability or was that person in environments where that ability was improved upon or given to in ways that it wasn't for another person? I think about luck, right, like I used to. I used to go man, I can't get lucky in life. I don't have a good job or a good relationship and that kind of woe is me and I just can't get lucky. That person gets lucky. I had to flip the script on that and I learned this. This is the learned skill.
Speaker 1:One of my favorite quotes is you got to put yourself and this is not the exact quote, but in in. In other words, you got to put yourself where luck's gonna find you right. So if you get knocked down, don't stay down. Get back up and get back in the game, right? A quote, a sports quote, is if you want to get in the game, you got to go where the game is being played. Just because you get told you don't get on the team right now, doesn't mean you should just not try again. No, keep practicing, keep hanging out with people who are in the game. Whatever that game is right, a career path, a positive, healthy lifestyle. Go where that's happening. Take consistent, small actions on a daily basis, on a daily basis.
Speaker 1:I employed a morning routine. I started a morning routine now, decades ago, that gets me up out of bed and moving every day, even after tough days, even when I may wake up and not want to be gritty, I may not want to work towards something I may not want. I have a morning routine. Every day I wake up, something I do, I go to bed and I get up at nearly the same time. Every day I get up, I open all the blinds and the curtains in the house, and I do that why? Not just to let the light in's a nice thing, but because I've struggled with the kind of depression that kept me in bed for days on end. So I kept those blinds closed. I open all the blinds and the curtains, I take a couple drinks of that first cup of coffee, I have my clothes on, I get some shoes on and I go on a morning walk every day. Every day, because there's some days where I'm like I don't know if I want to do the day.
Speaker 1:But by employing that morning routine, which is something really simple and small, that gets me up and gets me going, every day, take small, consistent actions every day toward a goal, toward improving your life, whatever it may be. Toward a goal toward improving your life, whatever it may be, if you think about that goal, you want to get to all the things that you're going to have to do to get to that goal. That's completely overwhelming. Break it down in chunks. The compound effect of small, consistent actions is a powerful thing and that's part of grit right is a powerful thing and that's part of grit, right.
Speaker 1:I can tell you I laugh that the journey to becoming dr d I say this I don't recommend it, right, you may have your views on higher education and all that and whether it's worth it or not. It was worth it for me, but I remember the journey to that. And you can apply this to many areas of life, like if you want to lose weight, that can be really difficult. If you want to get into a certain career, and you've got to learn skills, or if you need to get into a union or get a degree, whatever it is. If you think about that, that can seem really overwhelming. And I remember that I had the goal of becoming Dr D and I had done the coursework right. And once you're done with the coursework, then you get into what's called your dissertation phase. You do research and you write and it's like, oh my God, it was like ooh, I say this.
Speaker 1:I quit many times along the way. But what I also did is I didn't stay quit why? Because I surrounded myself with people who knew what I really wanted to do and that was achieve that goal my wife, my colleagues, my friends at work, my friends in the community that knew where I was going. I'm a pretty public person, right, I put it out there and it's actually helpful for me to do that. I'm not saying you have to do that, but it was helpful for me.
Speaker 1:And I remember one time I I wrote about how just stuck I was and frustrated it was and how I wanted to quit. And I remember one time I I wrote about how just stuck I was and frustrated it was and how I wanted to quit. And then the next day I went into my office and there on my desk is sitting a little three by five card and it has had two powerful words on it and it just said don't quit. And a little note on it from my friend that said, in other words, I believe in you, I kept going right, I kept going, I kept being gritty. I, I, you know if, if I look back on my life and I think about my mom, my siblings and all that we've been through. It's been a lot. If you follow me, you know that journey. If you don't go back and listen to my podcast that tell the story of my life, get my book and read it and you'll be like, wow, we have grit and I don't hope that you go through the same things I went through, right, but we're all going to trip and fall, we're all going to make mistakes, we're all going to hear no's. But what I would encourage you is to don't let those stop you right. And how do you build grit? You might be thinking well, what do you mean grit? How do you build grit?
Speaker 1:Discipline that morning routine. That seems really simplistic, but I can't tell you how powerful a tool it has been in ensuring that I get up every day and do things. Being consistent right. Part of discipline is being consistent right Learning to say no to things if you're working toward a goal. It's a term. You'll hear me say it many times during any time. I'm talking about life goals and working toward things. Delayed gratification Right, I'm going to put off that thing over here because I'm working toward this thing over here. I'll do that later. That delayed gratification it's a really, really important thing. Reflection Reflect on your progress, right.
Speaker 1:Like I say, celebrate the wins along the way. Okay, if you're, if you're working toward a health goal right, I would say, if you're losing 50 pounds, I would say, every 10 pounds, celebrate that. Shootate every pound, maybe not in big, huge ways, but maybe every 10 pounds that you lose, celebrate those wins. Right, give yourself credit where credit's due. It's really important to do it. With discipline comes perseverance, right.
Speaker 1:That stick-to-itiveness I don't know if that's actually a word or not, but I love saying it and it's a part of my life, that stick-to-itiveness actually a word or not, but I love saying it and it's a part of my life, that stick-to-itiveness that, no matter what, I've set this goal for myself and I'm not going to let anything stop me from getting there. That's a part of grit. There might be walls that come in the way, I might have to go on a different fork in the road to get there, but no matter what, I'm going to get to where I want to go. I want you to think about you probably have more than you might be giving yourself credit for. As I close this up, I want you to think about your own grit moments where you pushed through, where you persevered, where you kept trying, even in spite of the obstacles that you might have known or maybe didn't know at the time that you would be facing. You said nope, no matter what, I'm going to do this.
Speaker 1:I want you to consider journaling. You hear me say this. Journaling, it can be simply sitting down and typing out times where you've walked through hard things, where you've done things that maybe you didn't at first think you could do. That's grit, my friends, and I would say I would make an educated guess that you're more gritty than you are giving yourself credit for. I hope you have a great rest of your day. Love to all.