Holding Space: Recovery, Family, And Grit (w/guest Monica Brown)

What if the first step toward healing isn’t a grand plan, but a simple, human moment—someone staying with you long enough to help you answer the call when opportunity rings? We sit down with Monica Brown, a certified peer counselor at Peers Rising, whose story threads resilience, harm reduction, and the courage to parent with clarity after growing up in chaos.

Monica opens up about becoming a bonus mom and why language—and respect—matter in blended families. She honors the steadiness of her dad and bonus mom and shows how chosen structure becomes a legacy you pass forward. We dig into the everyday realities of recovery support: why housing is foundational, how employment bias undercuts second chances, and the surprising power of a prepaid phone for staying in touch with probation, treatment, and job callbacks. Along the way, Monica dismantles common myths about addiction and unhoused neighbors, reframing the conversation around dignity, safety, and practical help.

We also explore harm reduction with nuance. After quitting cold turkey left her dangerously unwell, cannabis became a stabilizing tool in Monica’s recovery, a perspective she now brings to peers while never glamorizing any substance. With national policy shifts opening real research, we talk outcomes over ideology: fewer overdoses, more connection, and functional, present lives. The heartbeat of our time together is “holding space”—showing up without judgment and with firm boundaries, so people can move from tapping on the window of change to finally stepping through it.

If you believe recovery should be measured by regained relationships, steady work, and safer lives, you’ll find hope here—and a few concrete ideas you can act on today. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a review to help more people find real stories that spark change.

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Transcript

Warm Welcome And Year-End Setup

Speaker 0:00

Okay, here we are. Welcome. Uh, thank you for joining us on this fairly nice Sunday morning in Ellensburg. It's mild, a little chilly, barely amount of snow left on the ground. Um, my wife and I took down Christmas over the last couple days. That's just what we do. What's your family tradition for taking down Christmas?

Speaker 3 0:21

I leave it up as long as I can until my sweet husband forces me to take it down.

Speaker 0:25

Okay, nice. Yeah, that's good.

Speaker 3 0:27

Or somebody comments, I made a post once in like June, and I've had a long-term friend from like a million years ago come out of the crevices and she's like, girl, is that a cherist still up?

Speaker 0:39

Oh my gosh, that's so funny.

Speaker 3 0:41

I felt shamed.

Speaker 0:42

Actually, there's a comedian I watched his little bid on, and it's like, you know, if you can make it to June, just keep it up. You know, just just roll over till the next year.

Speaker 3 0:52

My uh compromise to get my way, quote unquote. Actually is what it is, is uh just to put like seasonal decorations on it. He said that I could do that this year to test it. So fingers crossed that this will be a tradition ongoing.

Speaker 1:07

It gave me a good memory of my mama. She did that. She would change, she would change she had a Seahawks theme tree that she kept up through the football season. Okay, so uh welcome to or welcome uh back to the show. I'm glad you're here. This is actually, you don't know this, but you know it now, you will be my last guest for 2025.

Speaker 1 1:29

Oh, yeah, cool.

Speaker 1:31

This is it. This is uh it's December 28th, and I didn't count how many guests I've had, but I started having guests a few months ago. So this is our last guest and last podcast for 2025.

Speaker 3 1:45

Crazy. Yeah, can't believe how fast this year has gone.

Speaker 1:49

Really fast.

Speaker 3 1:49

Like it's crazy.

Speaker 1:51

Next week I'm gonna go solo. I'm gonna do a uh podcast on helping you to set your intention for a new year, uh, and then the guests will return the following week. So I have a gift for you. I'm guessing you don't have it.

Speaker 3 2:04

I do not.

Gifted Book And Intent For The New Year

Speaker 2:05

Perfect, good news. There's my book, Grit Over Shame. That one is your personalized copy. Um and you can buy that book wherever you buy books, locally in Ellensburg at Gerald's or Pearl Street books. You can get it, still get it online locally, if your local is your thing at Gerald's.com. And then outside of that, Amazon.com, you can get it as an ebook, as a hard copy. And I've narrated it, so it's also an audiobook. It's I call it the short story of the wild ride of my life. Um, and for you and anyone who gets the book, I I like to ask a couple questions once you're done reading it. Sure. So um once you uh get through that crazy, crazy story. So that that's my shameless plug for my book. Um, I have Monica Brown with me today. Uh we were chatting downstairs, we've known each other for uh since you came to Pears Rising, which was formerly KCRCO, and we both admitted

Meet Monica: Role, Energy, And Openness

Speaker 3:00

that you know we don't know a lot about each other. Um I was kind of on my way out, and you were coming in, and I was I was thinking about you, and this is my intro to you introducing yourself to the world, um, that I remember when you got hired and you you came in and with your energy, you have such great energy about you from an employer standpoint, a can do attitude, like let's do this. But personally, what I've always liked about you is your openness to openness to bringing people in. You just have that energy about you, and just chatting with you this morning, I can I can feel you kind of you know, Katrina-esque, you know, you're just really kind, um, you're welcoming, and I've always appreciated it. And and if I remember correctly, you've been now at Pears Rising for a couple years.

Speaker 3 3:52

Yeah, a little over two years now.

Speaker 3:53

Okay. So, for our viewers out there or listeners, if they're listening to the podcast, if you're watching it on YouTube, um, someone who doesn't know you at all, do your readers' digest-esque version of introducing yourself.

Speaker 3 4:11

Hmm. Well, hi everybody. My name is Monica. Um, I'm a wife and a bonus mom and cat mom and a dog mom.

Speaker 4:23

So I okay, so um your daughter.

Speaker 3 4:26

Yeah.

Speaker 4:26

What's her name? Ramiro.

Speaker 3 4:28

Alina.

Speaker 4:28

Alina's not your daughter.

Speaker 3 4:30

No, she's not.

Speaker 4:31

Biologically. Yes. I never knew that.

Speaker 3 4:33

Yeah, um, a lot of people, it's so funny. Some she does look a lot like me. Um, I happen to dye my hair, and so, you know, we just happen to share similar uh features. Um, but I'm actually her stepmom.

Speaker 4:46

Um is her biological mom in her life at all? Um just curious about dynamics, yeah.

Speaker 3 4:52

Yeah, um her bio mom lives in Tennessee um with her husband and her two other kiddos.

Speaker 4:57

Okay.

Speaker 3 4:57

Um, and so it can be difficult to like get together. Um they do they chat every week, they have conversations and stuff. So, yes, definitely. Like her mom is definitely in her life.

Speaker 5:07

Yeah, and that again speaks, I want I want you to continue. I don't want to take away your your introduction, but that speaks to who you are because I'm surprised. Yeah, you treat her like your own.

Speaker 3 5:18

Absolutely.

Speaker 5:19

So go ahead.

Speaker 3 5:20

Yeah. Um, my relationship with Alina is so, so special to me. Even in my wedding when we got married, I had special vows. I spoke directly to her and wrote those in. Um, I was very, very blessed. My own bonus

Bonus Mom Life And Family Dynamics

Speaker 3 5:35

mom is who I call my mom today. Um, I had a really solid, amazing role model. And so when, you know, my husband and I got together and I knew he had a daughter, you know, it was just very natural for me to step in. Um, and we have a very good relationship with her mom. And so I don't, you know, I don't want it to come off, you know, a type of way, but you know, I am there all the time. And so Alina and I have built this really solid relationship. And so when you talk to Alina, you know, she does refer to me as mom. My husband and I are mom and dad. Um, she did ask me, you know, if people ask if she's mine or not, to just yes, that's my daughter and to not even go into details. But you know, I'm very, I'm like, you know, you don't have to call me mommy honey, you know. Like I I recognize my place. Um, like I said, good relationship with her bio mom. And so wanting to stay in my lane, but you know, also like be there for my kiddo, like that's what it is, and what she wants is how I'm gonna show up. And if she wants me to be mom, I'm mom.

Speaker 6:35

And how old was she when you and your man got together?

Speaker 3 6:38

When we first started dating, it was right before her second birthday. Um, I met her in person shortly after that. Um, her and her mom had come down, I want to say it was for Easter, so around March time, and him and I had started dating in like December. Um so I gotta meet her there, and then um just like you know, through life, you know, there was some backs back and forth and traveling back and forth. So um she's you know, it's been all over the place. Okay, it's so hard to describe it, it's been all over the place, but I've she's been living with us um for the last three, it'll be four years in March, I want to say um that she's been solidly here with us. Yeah.

Speaker 7:18

Full time, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay. And what grade is she in there?

Speaker 3 7:21

She's in third grade.

Speaker 7:22

Third.

Speaker 3 7:23

Yeah.

Speaker 7:24

And I'm just guessing you're there, like your mom that goes to the things and is involved. I love it. Um and I want to say to you, you know, you'll read my book, and you probably know you follow me, uh some of my story. A kid who grew up with dads of the week.

Speaker 1 7:38

Yeah.

Speaker 7:39

Um those I had Johnny revell his flags on my wall. He was in my life for three years, and and you you j just so you hear this, that it matters. Like you're you're kids don't, you know, they kind of have some knowing or some idea, but they just know that you're the adult in the room. And that's powerful stuff. Because there are some couples that get together right, wrong, or indifferent, or like, you know, well, that's that they'll introduce this is my stepchild, or this you what you're doing for her is powerful beyond measure.

Speaker 2 8:16

Thank you.

Speaker 8:17

Like, really, really powerful beyond measure. Tell me a little bit, and this this podcast is about you, yeah, but uh, and and he's probably watching. Tell me a little bit about your man.

Speaker 3 8:28

My sweet husband. Um, well, his name is Joe Brown. He has the most basic like dang don't name like every time we go anywhere, they're like, Who are you? You know, like it's very Joe Brown, okay? Joe, this is such a basic name, but he is so sweet. So we actually met in high school. Um, he was my very first love. We dated back in high school.

Speaker 8:48

Where was this?

Speaker 3 8:49

Um, we're both from the West Side originally. We went to Scriber Lake um high school. We went to the alternative high school in the Edmonds School District. Edmunds, okay. Um with me, my um, I'm in recovery now, long-term recovery, but my addiction started when I was 13. And let's see, it was like halfway through my sophomore year, right after spring break of my sophomore year. I very kind of pointedly told my parents, if you don't put me in a different school, I'm not going anymore. I couldn't do it.

Speaker 9:16

Traditional high school.

Speaker 3 9:16

Yeah, I went to Mentley Terrace High School originally. Um, and I believe my husband went to Alderwood originally, and then um ended up at Scriber as well. Yeah, I walked into the classroom, we were doing uh like Wassel testing, it's not called that anymore. Um, we were doing our Wassel math testing, and he was sitting there in his big puffy jacket, long emo hair, and head down sitting at his desk. And I came in the hallway, I saw him I beelined up to him, shoved my hand in his face, and I said, Hi, my name's Monica. And the rest is history. And yeah, the rest is history. We really dated for a few years.

Speaker 9:48

So from day one.

Speaker 3 9:49

Yeah, we did it for a few years, and then we did break up, you know, life happens with teenagers. All right. Um, and then a handful of years later, he was in a really dark place, came, you know, kind of reached out to me and was like, I really just wanted to say sorry for the way I treated you, the way everything went down, um, all that stuff. And I was like, Well, holy crap, like, thank you. And so we had a real conversation. Um, and it started with just like an online friendship again, and I was I I was still in active addiction kind of around that time. Um, and he was doing his own thing, but not to that, you know. And so we just had our different lives, but stayed like online friends, and then um, you know, just we started hanging out in person again, dated other people. I was engaged to somebody else, he had a daughter with somebody else, lived in different places, and then we just started hanging out again. And yeah, we were just friends

Childhood, Boundaries, And Gratitude For Stability

Speaker 3 10:40

again. And then I had lived in Las Vegas with my ex-fiance, and um, at the time his ex as well and his daughter were living in Vegas, and so he had come down for his daughter's first birthday and was able to come and see me and you know, like make sure I was doing okay. Yeah. Um, actually, when my ex and I broke up, I hadn't like when we were right before we broke up, it was getting rough and I hadn't eaten for a long time. He door-dashed food to my apartment just to make sure I was like yeah, just to make sure I was okay and stuff. And then when I eventually made it back to Washington, like Joe was my best friend, and I had another best friend at the time, but Joe was closer and he was the only one I really wanted to see. And so yeah, that you know, literally the rest is history. I tried to go home and he just was like, Well, why don't you stay?

Speaker 11:24

So that's a great story.

Speaker 3 11:25

Yeah, we've had a friendship for a really long time, and so you know, we got married like two years into our relationship is when he proposed, and then a year later or a few months later we got married.

Speaker 11:35

So you've known each other since high school.

Speaker 3 11:37

You dated, you took a little break, you did some life stuff, like you stay connected, uh yeah, like long distance connection, and then and then we kind of started hanging out again, and then yeah, yeah, just like always, always there, no judgment, always understanding.

Speaker 11:50

Describe him in three words to someone who doesn't know anybody Oh my god, kind, selfless, understanding.

Speaker 3 12:00

Yeah, I've never really had anybody quite see me like that. Um you know, sometimes it's so funny we'll be in the car and I'm like, I'll have a have had a moment or something like that, or I'll just be sitting in silence and I'll be like, I'm such an asshole. Like thank you so much for like just kind of allowing me and holding space for me to like have my moments, and he's like, Oh, you do the same for me. You know, he's just like I said, very selfless, very kind. Like he really that was that is my number one thing about him is how kind he is a go out of his way to help other people type of person.

Speaker 12:30

So who you see is is him. That's who he is.

Speaker 3 12:34

A hundred percent. He is very exactly straightforward. There really isn't a lot of secrets there. Okay, yeah.

Speaker 12:41

So how long have you been married? Oh five years, five years?

Speaker 3 12:46

Yeah, no, four years. We just had our four-year wedding anniversary here.

Speaker 12:49

She's married four years, uh helping raise a child together. Yeah, um, you call her your daughter, she has her biological mom, she has a relationship, you understand that, but there's a good relationship there. Um siblings?

Speaker 3 13:03

I do. I have two older and two younger. Um, my oldest sister is four years older than me. Okay. Um, I don't have a relationship with the one in between us, okay. Um, but she's like a year and a half or so older than me. And then my little sister Lila is two years younger than me, and then my youngest sist uh younger brother, Zeke, is eight years younger than me. Holy crap. Yeah, he's 22. I just got to see him for the first time in a really long time.

Speaker 13:30

Oh wow. Yeah. That's cool. Good for you.

Speaker 3 13:32

Yeah, so I'm a middle kid. I'm a left-handed middle child, always have been.

Speaker 13:36

This might be a loaded question. And and answer what you want or um describe to me your childhood.

Speaker 3 13:43

Um loaded. Um my parents divorced. Um I don't even remember how old I was now, but a long time ago. And um both remarried. My life at my dad's and my and I say stepmom, but she's my mom now. Um, but my life with them, um very normal, you know, like just very normal, I would say. Not a lot.

Speaker 14:12

I mean, I had a roof over your head, had income, maybe didn't have everything in the world, but had needs me.

Speaker 3 14:18

Absolutely. Like, you know, they were there.

Speaker 14:20

Not a lot of chaos, not from their maybe some stuff, right?

Speaker 3 14:23

But normal chain was for me mostly, you know, just being ridiculous. Um, but at my mom's house was a little bit different. Again, you know, I do take accountability for the things that I didn't. I recognize I was also a child, however, just listen, you know, but yeah, there was a lot. Like, it was a lot. Um, we lived with my mom, but my mom lived with her mom. So my grandma, my grandpa, my mom, my stepdad, my stepdad's mom, me and all my sisters, like it was and my little brother, like it was like it was a lot, and um, you know, like my grandma and my mom's house were connected through the backyard. Um, and there was just a lot of back and forth. I found a lot of safety at my grandma's house. Um, I spent a lot of time there. I actually have it. My only tattoo I have is for my grandma. I used to call her Nanny. Um that's good. And so on my 20th birthday, my one year in recovery, I got that for her. Um, she's still around. Um, however, I I no longer have a relationship with her or my bio mom. Um it's so deep, but in just like plain and simple, um, just

Work At Peers Rising And Community Focus

Speaker 3 15:30

not influence I wanted in my child's life anymore. Um, I think a lot of And I'm sure that was a hard decision. Absolutely. I st I still struggle with it.

Speaker 15:38

But a necessary decision, right?

Speaker 3 15:40

100%. In the years that we have had no contact, um my grandma's memory is going, and so she kind of forgot the boundaries a little bit, so would reach out to me from time to time. Um, but a sibling would usually, you know, take care of that for me with respecting my boundary. Um, but I haven't heard anything from my mom, you know, it was very much just on me. And like I said, I've taken my accountability, but I firmly believe like it needs to be met. I'm also a firm believer in that children should not have to beg for a relationship with their parent at any stage in life. Like, um I want to pause you.

Speaker 16:16

Here, here's what I say because I hear what you're saying, and and we do that as adults. Like, well, I'm owning my part, but you were a child. Yeah. You were a child, and when we're children, we're depending on the adults in the room to take care of us. So, what I want to say to you is you don't have to apologize for that, right? And you're a you're a responsible adult, just a little bit of I know about you, you care, and and and that you that's a product of something else, not of what was happening in that chaos. My son was also Tyler, if you you guys all have that commonality, in that he was with his mom primarily as the primary residential parent, and she also lived with her parents. And so when you said that, it reminded me of that. Yeah, it was really messy.

Speaker 3 17:00

It's so messy, yeah. And like so common, and like you like you just not that it has to be. No, and you just never know really who to check in with. And like I said, like my grandma was my person, so for like a long time, she was like my authority figure, but it was actually my mom, but it was and it was my dad, because my parents were 50-50, so every week on Sunday we were back and forth, like it was, you know, and and then there was its own nasty custody battle that just got weird, and you know, like I'm just it was weird, but I'm so as an adult now looking back, so thankful for the stability that my my dad and my bonus mom provided for me because even in the moments that I didn't like it and I was pissy and for whatever reason and you know causing my own turmoil and you know, whatever, but like thank God like for it, um, because now I know how to function as an adult, like because of that, yeah, and even in my work that I do, like I tell people all the time without you know sharing the mess of the story, but like knowing what you don't want is all you need to know. You don't need to know what you do want as long as you know what you really do not want anymore because of your experiences, like you have a solid base to start, you know. So yeah, as a parent, I think I do okay. And I love the relationship I have with my dad and my my bonus mom, my mom, my mom now. Like I know them now as Matt and Tana instead of you know mom and dad. And the relationship we have is amazing. My dad, um, right before my wedding, some family drama sat me down, allowed me to have my husband there. Allowed is such a weird word, but invited me to have my husband with me so that way, you know, I felt supported too. And, you know, really shared some really intense information from the custody from me growing up and asked me about my childhood and what he should have done better, and actively to this day does all of those things through my daughter and pointedly

Hotel Nights, Compassion, And Career Pivot

Speaker 3 18:55

like involves me in them.

Speaker 18:56

Like he's he took ownership, he was the functional one, yeah, but still sat down. Well, isn't that doesn't that make sense though? Hey, what what could I have done better?

Speaker 2 19:05

Right?

Speaker 19:06

And and maybe maybe there's part of you, and I'm making it my boy, wouldn't that be nice if your mom could do that, could have the ability. But who does it?

Speaker 3 19:13

It'd be great, right? Um, but I'm not looking for it, I'm not holding my breath for it because I'm not lacking anything, not having her in my life. I've realized like for a long time it was really hard, but like, and like I said, I do still struggle a little bit without that relationship. There's moments when I look in the mirror too long and I'm like, I look like my mom, that's freaking me out.

Speaker 2 19:33

And then I can't believe my actual mom. Sure, sure.

Speaker 3 19:36

I'm like, oh my god, Deanna, make it stop. Um, but you know, and then she reminds me of all my all my personality traits and all the things that make me her daughter, you know? And so yeah, I just I love and respect the relationship I have with my dad and my my bonus so much. Like, yeah, very good, very good.

Speaker 19:53

Thank you for that introduction. And and I want to point to um, I want you to the first chapter I want you to read is I I think chapter four, and it's really a a take I go outside of the realm and it's your kids are watching. I think you'll really appreciate that chapter because you're doing things now as a parent in powerful ways that that little Elena is watching you, and she's gonna grow into already grown into, you know, a smart, well-rounded young child. But unfortunately, you got the opposite with your bio mom. I got the opposite with my bio mom and dads of the week. You know, your kids are watching, friends, and if you're listening to this, you have an opportunity right now on December, if it is 28th or whatever it is, to flip the script.

Speaker 3 20:39

Yep.

Speaker 20:40

Because your kids are always watching, yeah, aren't we?

Speaker 3 20:42

Yeah, yeah. Show up and take accountability. Like I'm sorry, nobody has that much amnesia. Like you, you know, saying you don't remember stuff. And even like I even some moments in the conversation with my dad, like there are things that he didn't remember or didn't recognize as like it came off that way to me, and he just totally did not perceive it that way, but was willing to like say, I'm so sorry that it it impacted you that way. And because even if he didn't mean it that way, I still took it that way, or you know, it was my experience. And like I said, to like and to actively make changes, and I didn't ask for that. That was something he just totally offered and provided because he wants to be in my life and wants to have a relationship with me and recognizes that even though I'm an adult now, I'm not like I'm I'm still his kid, I still I still need him, you know what I mean? My dad is the smartest man I know.

Speaker 21:31

Uh Katrina and I were just talking with some friends just about parents and parenting. You know, we're all adult children. Um, you know, I'm 58, my mom's both my parents are past. Uh, we were talking about um just how I I was saying, you know, how we all look back on our childhood differently. Each sibling looks at it differently, our parents look at it differently. But parenting matters, it's really like, and it matters most when you're a child. If you have a child, your parenting now is critical. Critical. Yeah. So thank you for that introduction. Yeah. Tell us, this is great. And and this is a long introduction because we're getting to know each other truly. This is super cool. Uh, this is something I'll I'm a little more familiar with, but tell the world about the work you do in the community.

Speaker 3 22:18

Yeah, absolutely. And I always start with those things because those are I work so hard for those things. So when I introduce my husband and my daughter come first.

Speaker 22:26

Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 3 22:27

So that's why it's long-winded. I love the sound of my own voice

Myths About Unhoused Neighbors And Addiction

Speaker 3 22:30

too. Um, but yeah, the work that I do, I work for Peers Rising Recovery Community organization in town, formerly the KCRCO, which yours truly did found back in 2021.

Speaker 22:42

2019.

Speaker 3 22:43

2019 opened in 2020. Yes, my bad, excuse me.

Speaker 22:46

Yeah.

Speaker 3 22:47

Um, but yeah, I work there as a certified peer counselor and recovery support specialist. So I get to use my 10 years, over 10 years, it'll be 11 years in my on my birthday in March, but um, my over 10 years um in recovery, I get to use that lived experience and not just my recovery, but all of the crap along the way, you know. I get to use that. Um, I like to tell people in my work, I'm like a professional best friend, you know. Um, I really I can't give advice kind of type deal, but I can tell you what I would or would not do, you know? Kind of hot and cold through the conversation. But um, yeah, I get to support our incredible community. I get to be a part of the amazing network that this community has um to be able to help people who are struggling with substance use or alcohol use disorder. So um yeah, it's I work with our most vulnerable populations, you know, and which for me like are like the roots of the community, you know, like because there's still community members who are struggling. And I come from hospitality. Um, I was previously in the hotel industry for 10 years, um, like I had mentioned earlier. I lived in Las Vegas. I was a general manager for in housekeeper manager in Las Vegas at a hotel, but I've done it for a really long time. Formerly, I was working at the Super Eight as a night manager, night audit manager. Um, and it's now a sure stay by Best Western. So I was there through the whole transition. But during that, loved my owner of the hotel, but you know, we just had differences on how we viewed the community, and um I wasn't allowed to have anybody who wasn't a guest of the hotel come in and warm up um or grab a cup of coffee or like charge their phone or have a conversation, you know, it was it was really frustrating. And um there were several times, you know, where the only thing I'm allowed to do is call the police, you know, kind of typed in on that just like doesn't always feel right, do you know? Like I definitely had my moments where I called because I was justified and needed to call, you know, but 90% of the time it was on a guest, you know? It wasn't actually like a like somebody who was part of our in-house population. Struggling. Yeah. And like anyway, and so like I would loophole that. Like I said, it was a night audit manager. So I worked at 11 p.m. to 7 a.m. There was one year where we had like negative 13 degrees. Like, I'm a smoker, I wasn't even going outside to smoke, like it was so cold. And you know, I would have people come in and ask like if they could warm up for a minute. I'm like, I can't let you sit. My cameras can't hear me, but they can see me. So why don't you go grab a coffee? We'll just pretend you're a guest for camera's sake. I can't have you sit. Go grab a cup of coffee and come stand at the counter with me and we'll chat for a few minutes so you can like warm up for a little bit. So I would like loophole my way around it. Like if somebody came in and was like taking advantage of breakfast, you know, that's not my business. Like, I don't check everybody into the hotel. Like, you know what I mean? Um, but when the opportunity to like they were screwing me out of a position that's neither here nor there. So that's why originally I was looking on Indeed that night, like looking for jobs, and it was like a whole multitude of things. And then when I saw the opportunity, like first, like totally just like scrolled past it, was like, this isn't, you know, whatever. And then I was like, okay, no, like I really need to do it. So I did like apply for it and was like, okay, but why am I not wanting to do this? Like, you know, I'm not, I'm not scary, I'm who I kind of needed. Like when I was growing up, I wouldn't have talked to any serious adult ever. I'm a fairly unserious adult, you know what I mean? Like, and so I challenged myself to do it, and it was so interesting because had the interview, got the job, started, you were there one morning, like my first morning, and you called me up into your little dungeon, your uh your dungeon upstairs, and you called me up there, and we just kind of sat for a minute and got to know each other, and I was kind of sharing that with you. You know, that I was just like kind of on the fence with it about how like effective I could be, even after I had gotten it. And in that conversation, you actually said, I challenge you to challenge that behavior, and it really just solidified for me that I was exactly where I needed to be. And yeah, so then I just kind of ended up at the KCRCO and Super Cool. It just felt immediately where I needed to believe. Yeah.

Speaker 27:16

Two questions based on what I just heard you talking about.

Top Needs: Housing, Open-Mindedness, Employment

Speaker 27:20

Um tell tell our audience what are some of the myths about our community members who struggle with substance use disorders? What are some of the things you hear that you see are just like, no, that's not true.

Speaker 3 27:35

Oh my gosh. Um, well, like that that they're creeping around in their backyards and like there was the discussion about where the uh where like a cold weather shelter kind of type deal, or like the unhoused little housing thing.

Speaker 27:48

I followed the whole thing ago.

Speaker 3 27:50

And like I actually went to one of the council meetings on it and I waited till the very end. Like I wasn't gonna say anything, I just wanted to be there and like give people nasty looks, you know, like kind of type deal. Just let them know I'm disappointed in you. And at the very end, I ended up saying something because I was just like, let's just step into the mindset. They're in our backyards, they're wanting to get at my children and blah blah blah. Like all these things. Do you not want them in a contained location? Like, if that's the mindset we're going at, we're providing you a solution and you're concerned they're gonna be in your backyard and blah blah blah and all these things, and like with alternating hours with a fence around the build, you know, whatever, whatever my opinions may be. I was like, what the hell is this, you know? And it's so frustrating because they just seem I don't know, the biggest thing for me is that they're just degenerates that are lazy and they're just taking advantage of the systems. Because I'll tell you right now, every single day, do I stand with my peers with some of these big network organizations in town? And these people day after day after day are going and checking in and calling and filling out the paperwork and doing all the things you they do. And you know who's not getting the help that they need? Are those people? I'm never ever, none of my peers would I ever consider lazy, what I consider like degenerates, what I consider taking advantage of systems. They're trying to utilize systems that are effing them over, you know? And that's my biggest I'm gonna do that. No, that's good.

Speaker 29:19

So that's days. That's interesting you say that. And and I remember when we our community was having all the conversations about where to put the um the cold weather shelter. Um, and I always try to look at things from you know a holistic view as I know you do. Um and and like you, I just I was shaking my head like, God, people, please. These number one, I I have a saying, and I'm hearing you say this, it's not us versus them. It's it's us. It's us. They are us. And yeah, most even people in in really bad active addiction, they're not yeah, do some commit crimes? Yes, absolutely. Do some do terrible shit? Yes, absolutely. But a lot do not.

Speaker 3 30:04

I've never ever met somebody, even like our peers who they struggle. You know, recovery's a journey. You, you know, there are stumbles along the way, you know what I mean?

Speaker 30:14

It's not this.

Speaker 3 30:14

It's no, it's not. It's a whole lot of this. And when we're doing this, I have never ever met anybody who is asking for help and who relapses and who struggles, who wants to be putting their body through that. I have one peer who comes to mind where there was a scent where literally, like for like two weeks in a row, every day, he's using like fentanyl. You know, he's using hard, hard, hard substances, going to detox, going to treatment, the next day reusing, going to detox, like doing the detox and the using, all like putting your body through that. You don't want that. It is a disease that is literally like a parasite literally controlling you through that. And like, I've never met anybody who's like, yeah, man, I want to hurt like this, you know.

Speaker 1 30:57

Continue moving myself.

Speaker 3 30:59

At the root of that, like nobody really wants that. We're just suffering, like whatever the root of the pain is, or whatever the root of it is, mental health, trauma, you know, there's so many reasons. Whatever that is, that just needs to be nurtured and it needs to be fixed, and not necessarily fixed, but nurtured is the better way. Yeah, heal, just band-aid it a little bit once we focus on what that is, like the other crap that comes with it. Nobody wants that.

Speaker 31:24

What are what are the top three needs of our community members who are saying to you, because you see them, they come into Piers Rising, they need help. What are the top three needs for someone wanting to navigate a path to recovery?

Speaker 3 31:36

Oh my gosh, housing.

Speaker 31:38

Okay.

Speaker 3 31:39

Um

Why Phones Matter In Early Recovery

Speaker 3 31:45

I want to be pointed with what I say. It's frustrating. It's okay. Um, housing is definitely number one. Um, I think open-mindedness, it's not like a material need, but it is the big need. Like I'm very appreciative of the company I work for, the all roads to recovery, we run at a non-judgmental, you know, basis. And you know, sometimes it can be hard just being a human with having biases and stuff, but being able to hold space to absorb what the conversation is and just to take it what it is, you know, like I without judgment and without jadedness and without closed-mindedness, and just have a conversation. Like, I'm not like listen, I at my work, I'm the no girl. I love a good solid no because of boundaries, you know what I mean? But teaching, teaching somebody how to say no and how to receive a no, you know, because my job is to put you in a position of self-advocacy, but I'm going to light fires for you along the way, you know.

Speaker 1 32:44

Sure.

Speaker 3 32:44

So open-mindedness and a non-judgmental like just moment, definitely housing and employment. Like, employment is so hard in this community, and it is again kind of tied in with the open-mindedness and the judgmental, and rightfully so. It can be really hard to like, you know, as a person. Right, as a person in recovery, I know how hard it was to start making my amends with different people and taking accountability and being like, hey, I'm so sorry I did these things. And even in work, you know, as well, like my background thankfully isn't too bad. I dip, dodged, ducked, and dived, you know what I mean? Like, I kind of dodged some things here and there. But, you know, like those things don't they definitely can get in the way, and people are like, Well, you know, I've been oh I'm very honest with my employers, you know, a lot of the time about my addiction and what my recovery looks like. And thank you, Monica, so much. Have a nice day. You're a lovely person, but thanks, but no thanks. Hell no, you know, thanks, but no thanks.

Speaker 33:45

Um, so so housing, community members, entities, people in general with open having more of an open mind, and employment.

Speaker 3 33:54

And employment for sure.

Speaker 33:56

Good.

Speaker 3 33:56

Yeah, not good, but yeah, maybe a forcing communication. You know, we provide our phones to our peers, and there's only a like a very small handful of other network partners who do the same, and even like like for us, you have to be a person in recovery, and like you have to be able to do that.

Speaker 34:11

You just want to give people iPhones?

Speaker 3 34:12

No, I've never given an iPhone to anybody before.

Speaker 34:15

What does this mean?

Speaker 3 34:16

Um, so we go and we get prepaid, like they're like a track phone, a prepaid phone.

Speaker 34:20

Why though? Why do you give people phones? They should work and get their own phone.

Speaker 3 34:24

How do you get a job if nobody can call you to say, hey, you applied for this and we would love to hire you and start next Monday? How do they get in contact with you? Um, how are you supposed to check your emails?

Speaker 34:34

I can borrow someone's phone.

Speaker 3 34:36

Would you like to borrow my phone, David, for an extended period of time and take my phone that I need for my phone.

Speaker 34:42

So you're not buying iPhone 17 Pro Max Plus with unlimited data. It's it's a prepaid phone.

Speaker 3 34:48

It's a prepaid phone.

Speaker 34:49

It's a phone number.

Speaker 3 34:50

Yeah, it's a phone number, it's a prepaid phone. And the ones that we get, we did used to do like the month-to-month ones. Um, Track Phone are the this is a brand that we get, and they recently changed them. So we actually get phones now that, if utilized appropriately, come with one year of service preloaded onto them, 1500 minutes of talking, 1500 minutes of text.

Speaker 35:07

What's the cost of that?

Speaker 3 35:09

54 bucks, something like that, and when they're on sale.

Speaker 35:12

Like, we talk about the the need for communication to get a job, but what are the other communication needs? Um in jail.

Speaker 3 35:21

Oh, like probation. Yeah, probation. Treatment. Absolutely. Well, we personally don't give phones to going into treatment until they data treatment because they usually can't use the page.

Speaker 35:30

But they have requirements to communicate. They do family.

Speaker 3 35:33

Yeah, absolutely. Probation is a really big one. We work really closely um with the folks down and they, you know, reach out to us

Longest Opening Ever And Recovery Framed

Speaker 3 35:40

all the time. Well, not all the time, but you know, they reach out to us and I work very closely with the folks at the jail. You know, like, hey, this person is probably going to either releasing, they're going to have this, this, and this. Is there any way we can get them set up? I take things down to the jail all the time, you know, with permission. I do put together a little bag and I drop off what they need. But you know, it's no, I'm not giving them any phones.

Speaker 35:59

Sleep paid phones. Yeah, it's kind of a lifeline, isn't it? Absolutely for someone launching their life and recovery.

Speaker 3 36:05

100% off the top of my head, I have several peers right now who have been able to navigate getting into an apartment over the course of almost the length of my time of working here, but have been able to do that. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 36:18

Which many people, I was doing that on purpose, go, oh my God, you're just they're freeloaders and you're just giving handouts and blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 3 36:27

Like I said, I love a good no. What are you doing to better your situation? Like, listen, I know what it means to be at the bottom of the barrel climbing up to the top, yeah, but you're still doing something to better that situation. You know what I mean? So whether it's legal intervention, religious intervention, self-intervention, whatever it is that brings you to that moment, let's have a conversation. And hey, maybe I'm not able to start with a phone, but let me get you to some other supportive services. Let's get you into a meeting if that's what you're looking for. Let's get you started on something. And then maybe when we have five more minutes into our recovery journey, then we can talk about a phone. So, no, I'm not just standing out there. So there's like yes and no's, and you know, yeah, no.

Speaker 37:08

Okay. Okay, so I want to transition to our questions, which I think this has been the longest opening I've ever had, which is fucking amazing. It's been really cool to get to know you on a deeper level, and it's confirming for me. But what I'd like to do before we go to these questions, um, you're a person in recovery.

Speaker 3 37:25

I am.

Speaker 37:26

What does that look like for you?

Speaker 3 37:28

Yeah, um it's so funny talking about this now. As an adult, with the hindsight and the perspectives and things that I

Early Addiction, Abuse, And A Hard Stop

Speaker 3 37:35

have, having the relationship with my parents, at the time, I was 13 when I started using substances. Um, at the time I did not know that I had people in my life that I could have talked to. Now, as an adult, getting doing the work that I do and the trainings that I have and my brain being shifted and the conversations I've had with Matt and Tana, not mom and dad. You know, I've I've kind of been able to navigate that a little bit better. But at the time, I did not realize that I had people in my life. So I started using substances when I was 13. Um, I was in a really, really intensely abusive relationship with a boy who was like a year or so older than me. He had a really rough home life. Um, and so he just, you know, I he took his anger out on me.

Speaker 38:21

I'm gonna I'm gonna pause you. Yeah. Um stop making excuses for the people who hurt you. I I don't I try not to give advice during these things, but I hope other people hear what I'm saying. Stop making excuses for people who hurt you.

Speaker 3 38:37

Thank you. You can make me cry.

Speaker 38:39

It's not my intention. I know and I empathize with it because sometimes, well, like my mom. Yeah, I say this about my mom. My mom was doing the best she knew how with what she had. With that said, it was fucked up. Yeah, we were kids. Yeah. You were a child depending on the adults in the room, and this boy who fucking hurt you, stop making excuses for him. He was making choices. Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 3 39:07

Thank you. So that crappy guy Yeah, fuck him. Um yeah, fuck him for real. Um he had a best friend who was also really shitty. And his little girlfriend and I um found comfort in each other. Um I am gender fluid, always, you know, that's kind of how I identify. My pronouns are she, they. Um, always floated in my little happy realm. She was my first girlfriend that I ever had, and we really connected in our hidden like relationship, you know, to like escape our relation or our other relationships. And she happened to be talking with the neighbor, and he was using heroin and was keeping her using drugs. And at the time, like I knew she was using, and I was kind of that friend who was like knowledgeable about it and was like, I would rather be. In the room with you, so if something happens, like I can get you help. And so for a really long time, that's all it was. And then there was a couple of times she offered, and I was like, nah, I'm good. Like I'm just I'm just here to take care of you. And then there was a really bad day, you know, between our boyfriends, and it just came to a point. And we were sitting in the bathroom, and she offered, and I didn't say no. I didn't say no that time. And I was like immediately addicted. You know, it was it was one of those things where being young and being thinking it was cool and wanting to do it and it allowing me an escape, you know. I just I immediately like, I need that, you know.

Speaker 40:33

You you were walking around with a pretty heavy bag on your back.

Speaker 3 40:37

It was really intense. Um, her and I were kind of from that point on, her and I were together like all the time. Like they would have, it was so weird. Like, I don't even know if my grandma even recognized it because my grandparents, like I said, I was with them a lot and they really liked him. Um, but the the boy you the boy, yeah, the boy I was with. Yeah, they loved him. My grandpa always all only had, you know, granddaughters, and my youngest brother um is transgender. And so at the time, like my grandpa was like really intense, like of only only having girls and like was loving of us, but like obviously felt some type of way coming from like sports and setting records himself and like doing all those things. Like, he had feelings about it. So when he came in, like he was so blinded by this like teenage boy who was, you know, a boy, a boy, a boy's boy, you know. It was it was weird, and so they didn't see anything, but like our boyfriends were having like our grandparents like babysit us, like my little friend at the time, like her boyfriend's grandparents, like were we were with them all the time. Like, I don't know if they realized like we were under such tight control, like we were never alone, except that our grandparents didn't recognize it necessarily, so we were like alone in our rooms, you know, and that's like how we started getting in trouble. Um yeah, it was rough. Um, like I said, home life wasn't always insane really good. Um, that boyfriend, I was with him for a year and a half. Um, he ended up kidnapping me at the end of our relationship. I was held hostage for four weeks in a hotel room in Everett. Um the school that we went to, like I said, I went to Scriber Lake High School. We it was so chill. Barb was the attendance lady. We it was a first name basis, Kathy was my principal. It was a respect thing. They understood we were troubled kids and wanted to meet us where we were, so it was all like a it was so chill and relaxed.

Speaker 42:26

It was pretty loose.

Speaker 3 42:27

So my boyfriend was calling me in sick at the time. And it wasn't until like my mom tracked my or no, what had happened, like my sister had a day off from school, and it was like a like a district-wide day off kind of type deal. And so my mom called to confirm that my school also had it off. And like Barb says yes, and like towards the end of the call goes, Oh, tell Model and hope she's okay and hope she feels better. And my mom goes, What the fuck are you talking about? And anyway, it was whole thing. Her and my grandma showed up, got me out of the hotel. Um, unfortunately, that wasn't 100% of the end of it. There were some things after that, but um, yeah, that relationship is what really broke me mentally. So my looking for escapes turned into that. And then um, you know, the next kind of relationships after that, unfortunately, were just also not great. I started, I met my street mom, um, who actually now is also in long-term recovery. Um, her name is Lisa, and I, if you're watching, I love you so much. Like, it is it is so powerful to really see like she's one of the only people who loved and cared about me. And like, even when I entered into recovery.

Speaker 43:34

Even in active addiction.

Speaker 3 43:35

In active addiction, right?

Speaker 43:36

I'm gonna pop safe. Yes. See, people don't hear about this.

Cold Turkey, Harm Reduction, And Cannabis

Speaker 43:40

No. Um, me and Sarah, my good friend Sarah, who you've heard about, you've probably met, you know, we we kind of kept each other safe in active addiction. What?

Speaker 3 43:49

Yeah, she was trying to get me into trouble, you know? Like, and like yes, she was trying to make sure that I was still taken care of while we were doing dumb things. You know, I get that. Yeah, yeah, because it's not a we not everybody's trying to get it. Um, yeah, so it was actually the day of my 19th birthday. Okay.

Speaker 44:10

Um my gosh. I was how old are you?

Speaker 3 44:14

I will be 30 in I will be 30 in March.

Speaker 44:17

Oh my gosh. Yeah. Wow. You look I'm like my mom, that's for me. I'm like, I'm thinking 24, 25. Okay. Okay, go on. So 19.

Speaker 3 44:29

So yeah, on my 19th birthday, um, I was actually at a Krispy Kreme and on 99 on the track of 99. Like, if you know about that area down a shoreline over on the west side, there's a part of 99 that they call the track for lots of reasons, you know. Um, I was no stranger to the drug side of that. Thankfully, I did not well, I say thankfully, but I'm like so not judgmental. You know what I mean? Like, um the promiscuity things side of things, like, you know, I was okay. Um, but I yeah, my 19th birthday, we were at the Krispy Kreme, and um uh some I was propositioned to meet with a guy in the bathroom to get the drugs we were looking for to supply my birthday celebration. And um I had, like I said, never done that before. Like I like I definitely knew who I could take advantage of. Like it's wild, but through my addiction, I never paid for a single substance. Um, I knew exactly who I could take advantage of to, you know, fund my addiction.

Speaker 1 45:30

Yep.

Speaker 3 45:30

And so this but like a low-cut shirt, you know what I mean? Like flirting with the right guy, like saying the right things, but never actually like doing things, you know. So I was proposition and like if you've never been to that crispy cream, like the bathroom and the front doors are here, and you know, I kind of I got it from the table, and I was walking towards the bathroom and had the most sobering Monica. What the fuck are you doing?

Speaker 2 45:58

And it was crazy. So I ended up walking home in the pouring rain from that shoreline on Krispy Kreme all the way to my grandma's house in Mount Lake Terrace, past my apartment and short, like I just kept going and I knocked on the door and I was like, like, please, like, I'm ready, please.

Speaker 3 46:15

And um it's really unfortunate because I appreciate my grandma so much for providing me a safe space. And like I said, I know now like I had adults that I could have talked to and gotten like real help for. Um, but this experience um is what shaped me in my addiction and helps me on my work that I do now. So um my grandma did end up taking me in. Um I she didn't know, like I didn't tell her exactly what was going on, but I she knew about like the relationships I was going through and kind of like the roughness, but not necessarily the drugs, you know, the actual details of it. And so she took me in and I immediately like you know kind of moved in with her and got all my stuff out of the apartment and whatnot. And um, yeah, that's kind of where that all started. Um, I quit cold turkey everything. Um, because like I said, I was just doing it blindly, like by myself. I didn't really know what to do. I had some friends I was like leaning on. Um, my one of my best friends, Josh. Um, I remember calling him quite a few times, and he would ride his bike or skateboard over to my house and would just sit with me and lay on my bed and we'd watch uh Forrest Gump with my cats, like you know, and he'd bring me candy from he'd worked at Boeing at the time. Like we just he was just there and helped me exist in the moment. Um and yeah, so after a few months, I started to get like really, really sick. My body was not adjusting well, I wasn't really taking care of myself. Um, I had been smoking weed at the time, like there was like so much that was going on that I quit cold turkey from. My body was like really reacting poorly. Um, for whatever reason, during my addiction, I've always kind of stayed plump, you know? And for the first time, like I was like sickly, sickly skinny, like things were not working right. Um, and so, like I said, very blindly, um, I started using marijuana again.

Speaker 1 48:11

Okay.

Speaker 3 48:12

Um, and it stayed my life. And it is one of the only reasons why I'm like alive today. Um, it is something that I believe in as harm reduction. That's why I love the work that we do. Hear me now. I'm not preaching to all my peers who walk in. Let's go smoke a joint and talk about how we're gonna recover from things. Absolutely not. But I will also tell you right now that I have a peer who, for the first time, like made it to 41 days with the use of marijuana off of fentanyl after generational use because I had a conversation with him and said, it's okay, John, or you know what I mean? Like, do that for yourself, you know. So, like, it's kind of one of those things. And I just yeah, it really changed my life. And so, like I said, I don't preach that to everybody, but it's one of those roads to recovery, it's from reduction. It's I absolutely recognize it as still a substance, you know. I'm not taking away from that at all. Um, but I also believe in the medicinal qualities of it and the way that it can help change our bodies and to shape us. And so, you know, sharing my I was actually kind of nervous. I was almost decided if I wasn't gonna share my story today publicly. Um, but I got an opportunity to speak on a panel in April and um for the Peers Empower Peers, and it just really I recognize how taboo my recovery story is, you know, like so to speak. But I also recognize that the one other person in the room who needed to

All Paths To Recovery And Research

Speaker 3 49:40

hear that, you know what I mean? Like it opens up a deeper level of recovery for that person. Um, so I've been really appreciative of like from day one, you know, with KCRCO and now Peers Rising, like the way that we really wrap around our peers, you know, and meet them is really what I needed, and it's so fulfilling to be able to do those things. So that's kind of that's that's my recovery story, you know.

Speaker 50:06

Like say thank you for sharing that. Um powerful stuff. Um and so a couple things. Uh, one, nationally, you may or may not know this, but marijuana, first time in history, was just changed from a uh schedule four, whatever it is. Now it's a schedule or schedule one to a schedule four, which is going to really, really facilitate, and I'm a proponent of this as a person who's in long-term recovery, abstinence-based, which is one path, but I'm a proponent of now we're really gonna see the research.

Speaker 3 50:41

We are going to see some incredible things.

Speaker 50:44

Great stuff.

Speaker 3 50:44

Absolutely.

Speaker 50:45

And two, for my friends out there, a lot of friends in recovery. Um, if you're taking prescription medication to help your mental health, well, what's wrong with marijuana if someone chooses to do that, right? Absolutely, I'm about all paths to recovery. I'm a proponent of harm reduction, which is great. I'm a proponent of you sitting in front of me living an amazing life as a person in recovery. That's what I'm a proponent of. So thank you. Let's do let's try some questions. I think we've answered a lot of these questions. This has been really good. Um, but this is good. Uh no, well, this this goes into a little bit um uh when

Becoming Who You Needed And Holding Space

Speaker 51:25

you first saw the opportunity to work at Pears Rising, you you almost didn't apply because of the stories you were telling yourself about being too old or later too young. What helped you challenge those thoughts and step forward anyway? You shared a little bit about this.

Speaker 3 51:40

Yeah, so when I was 19, like I said, my 19th birthday is when it when it started for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, and those conversations with myself, I was like, God damn, I'm way too old to give my shit together now. You know, I'm 19 years old and I'm ancient. You know, but at the time I really like felt like I was really too old, like I had wasted criminal years.

Speaker 1 52:01

Yeah.

Speaker 3 52:01

And when I was applying, I was 27, and I'm sitting there and I'm like, damn, I'm way too old now. I'm a serious adult, you know. And I really like that's where that conversation really came in when I questioned myself. And I was like, okay, but I'm not. Like I have my like I can be serious and I can have a good conversation, but I can have a serious conversation with you and still make you feel loved and welcome and warm and still do it in a seriously unserious kind of way, you know? And it's effective, it's effective in my work that I do. I did it to myself because, you know, like I said, I know I have people now, but then it was just me, you know, I'm just here, you know, it's just even with like I said, Josh and like people in my life who were caring about me in my brain. It's like I'm alone, it's just me, all of that. And so, you know, I kind of peer supported myself at the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, so being able to yeah, that you know, that's kind of where that conversation stemmed from.

Speaker 52:59

I like it.

Speaker 3 53:00

Yeah.

Speaker 53:01

Oh, this this would be good. You often say you wanted to become the person you once needed.

Speaker 1 53:07

Yeah.

Speaker 53:08

You you needed you needed you needed Monica in your life. You didn't have that.

Speaker 1 53:13

Yeah.

Speaker 53:13

Stop blaming yourself for what the adults did. That's my challenge, big challenge for you moving forward. So, how has that idea shaped the way you show up for people walking their recovery journeys today?

Speaker 3 53:27

Yeah. Um I mean, it all really comes back to being able to hold space for people, like without judgment. Like, I even growing up, like I was very known for uh being friends with everybody, you know, like all kinds of walks of life, all different types of people. Um, because I just welcome. And like I said, like even before I started using drugs, just sitting there in the bathroom with my friend, not worried, like I'm not worried about you like doing it, I'm not judging you, but if something happens, I'm here for you. No one be that. Um, and so I try to like it's hard. Like there are moments where people walk in and like I have history with them, you know, and just just in the couple years like working, you know, and I'm like, God damn it. But my sweet coworkers, we all really lean on each other for that, you know, to like kind of check and curb each other when we have those moments. Um, but you know, I I have conversations with people every day that I don't agree with, you know, opinions, values, morals, whatever, you know, like all the time. But a lot of those people get exiled because of it, shoot away because of it. They're also part of the unhoused population, you know, they they may be an active addiction, whatever the combination of things may be. They don't have somebody to just talk at, you know what I mean? And so that's kind of like my number one thing is, you know, and even in those conversations, listen, I have boundaries as well. So, and I dance in the prettiest little gray area. So I'm gonna check you, you know, for sure. But I'm willing to have a conversation with you, you know, and like and hold that space. So it's you know, that's that's kind of my number one way, it's like how I like to show up with through my work, is just holding space for people to have their shitty moments, you know. Sometimes they're too shitty and we have to curb things, but other times people just need to share their political opinions, you know

Purpose At Home: Partnering And Parenting

Speaker 3 55:20

what I mean? And they don't have anybody to talk to or whatever it is, you know.

Speaker 55:24

You're you're the girl in the bathroom with her girlfriend, yeah, who's in active use, and you're just wanting to be there to save her life, maybe if needed. But you I say this a lot. You you are you are the one person that that listens. Whether it's a political rant or a rant about this, you hold space. You've said that multiple times. You hold space for that maybe that one day where that person, this that's the turnaround day.

Speaker 2 55:52

Well, that's what they're gonna do.

Speaker 55:54

That's what they showed me.

Speaker 3 55:55

Yeah, that's yeah, in my I loved the training to get my CPC certification. It was so life-changing and like justifying, you know, yeah, yeah. Um, like it really just like clicked for me. And that's one of the things that they like teach us is there will one day everybody's gonna approach the window. They're gonna tap, they're gonna crack it, they're gonna open it, and one day they're gonna jump through it. And they may jump through it a couple times, but one day they're gonna jump through, close it, and lock it, and it's gonna be again. Yeah, and literally my job and like my purpose that I like really feel connected to is to genuinely just show up and be there for the people. So when that happens, because I've watched it, like I've gotten the witness. My favorite part of the work I do is getting the follow-up when I get to find out that like somebody's like doing okay. Like, I don't ever have to see you again, but I have we have peers who like call us who have moved on and done something and they say, Thank you so much for being with me in that moment because I needed someone, I needed a monica, you know what I mean? And so that's where it comes into like in the work and yeah, all those things being who I wanted to do.

Speaker 56:58

I'm smiling because you get to work with with one of our OG now, Justin Peterson. He's one of our our stories, yeah. When you get to see that, and he struggled. He's one of my own. Uh, one more question for you, then we're gonna we're gonna close this up. Okay. You're a dedicated wife, mother, and recovery support specialist, counselor, uh, whatever the title is, um, but you the work you do really matters. How do recovery and purpose show up in your home life and the way you move through the world now?

Speaker 3 57:35

Oh my gosh. Um in the way that I show up as a partner to my husband, as the way I show up as a mother to Alina, um as the way I navigate by the people on the street when I drive by, when I walk by, I'm not that I was ever rude before, but it's definitely more pointed. Like if I'm stopped and I see somebody like in my community here in Ellensburg, I know everybody. So when I stop and roll up, I'm respectful of people's like anonymity, you know what I mean? But if there's a recognization when they look at me, I'm gonna smile. I'm gonna smile anyway, engage a little further. Yeah, but like if I'm over on the west side in Linwood and I'm at home and stuff, like I'm not just pulling up and looking straight. Like, I'm still gonna share a smile. I'm still gonna engage, like, yeah, I see you. Isn't it an interesting space for you?

Speaker 58:32

We can say hello.

Speaker 3 58:33

Yeah, you can say hello and engage and have a conversation. You know, my husband and I do have an understanding just from where I come from in my own recovery journey and you know, in the work that I do, it's probably safer to not necessarily give money, but what can I go get for you kind of type deal. And there is so often, I mean, even before we knew one of my peers and doing the work that I did, my husband, for the years we've lived out here about seven years now. Anytime he would see this person at Freddy's would stop, have a conversation. What can I get for you? What would you like? Would go and get it, and then come back and like stand while this person enjoyed it, you know, and just like shared a moment with them. And then after I started doing the work that I did, and before my husband started working there, but would come to events and things, this peer walks in and goes, I know you do, you know, like it's so fulfilling. And so just really getting to, you know, see people. And like I said, in the way I navigate with my daughter and like knowledge, you know, I really did not have that. And I feel like I feel like my generation like had knowledge, but was so party, you know, like the early 2000s and like all that stuff. Like it was fun, but it was like there wasn't a lot of like knowledge about it. Like there was like the drugs program and stuff, like there were different like things that people talked about, but not like it is today. The knowledge and the openness, and even though there's still some stigma, just like having a conversation, that stigma is starting to come down. And you know, like the way that I'm a partner, like I've seen unhealthy relationships because of addiction. Like I've seen unhealthy relationships because of mental health. So the way I show up as a partner to my husband is so pointed. Um, and not just as a partner, but as a friend, you know, because while

Message Of Hope: Be Selfish To Heal

Speaker 3 1:00:10

yes, husband and wife, he is my best friend, and I want to be a good friend and a good partner to him. Um, I love the way, like Alina is eight, um, but I really admire the way that Brandy, my executive director, you know Brandy, but for everybody who doesn't know Brandy. No, never heard of her executive directors of my company, and a very, very good friend as well. And I love and respect the way that she navigates with her kiddos who are, you know, they're young teenagers now and moving into middle school and like high school and they're becoming older. And I really value the way that she parents them and how she so openly shares that and how she like when friends come over, she remembers and shows where the Narcan as she talks about not taking things and like so pointed in her conversations, it's very deliberate, and it's it's really profound to see how wonderful they are, and as a parent, as a friend, you know, just like stepping into it. She's a three-time over mom. I'm on the first one, you know what I mean? And so getting to learn from her and like and also absorb that and yeah, have pointed conversations with my daughter too, because you know, substances, mental health, all those things are very real. And so, yeah, good. That's definitely how I like to show up in my work, yeah.

Speaker 1:01:27

Okay, here's your opportunity to give our listeners and viewers a message of hope.

Speaker 3 1:01:34

A message of hope. I'm getting my phone ready to ask you.

Speaker 1:01:36

So, what's a message of hope you would want to share with someone out there who's listening, who's wondering if it's too late or too early for them to change their life?

Speaker 3 1:01:47

Never. Never, never. Um it's so funny because I'm sure everybody who knows me who is watching probably knows what I'm about to say because it is so important to me because nobody said it to me. Um my biggest message to let I love to tell people is that it is okay to be selfish with yourself and to really put yourself first. Um, my husband, my peers, my friends, they all know my priorities in my life, period, is me, my husband, my kiddo. And then my family falls and everything else falls underneath it. But I always come first because when I don't, my world around me is not okay. And so that's my biggest like advice, hopeful message to send to people is like, remember that it's okay to be selfish with your time and your energy and your spoons, if you will, if you understand that analogy and giving too many spoons, like it's okay. And things around you will be okay. And I think that that's again something that's kind of and you're a giver. Oh, 100%.

Speaker 1:02:47

You're you're a giver, but you also recognize in order to be a giver, I have to give to myself.

Speaker 3 1:02:52

Yeah, self-care is so important. Yeah, it's so important.

Speaker 1:02:55

During my mom's final weeks on this earth, it reminded me when she was in hospice care, and she lived right over here. Um, that every day, even on the last day she took her breath, I did my morning routine. I had to. Like it was even more critical to do that important self-care, yeah, to take care of myself. And yeah, I would shorten it up a bit, but I did my morning routine. I went on the morning walk, I I did my morning meditation, I did my morning whatever it was, and then I went and took care of my mom. I had to.

Speaker 1 1:03:29

Yeah.

Speaker 1:03:29

Right?

Founding Reflections And Youth Focus

Speaker 1:03:30

We have to do that self-care. And and yeah, and we use the term, and this isn't a bad thing, be selfish, but be selfless in some ways with yourself, right?

Speaker 3 1:03:39

Absolutely. Yeah. Giving back to yourself when you when you are like a giver and a person like that. It's okay to fill your cup too.

Speaker 1:03:46

Yeah.

unknown 1:03:46

Yeah.

Speaker 3 1:03:47

Thank you for that. Absolutely.

Speaker 1:03:48

Okay, here it is. What's a question you've always wanted to ask me? This is the part where I get a little nervous jokingly, but you know, let's go.

Speaker 3 1:03:58

I I had a joking one, but I don't know. That's okay. Okay. My brightness is so crazy. Okay. As the founder of what is now formally KCRCO known now as Piers Rising, hindsight brings a lot of clarity with that. Yeah. Is there anything you see now, ideas, approaches, or feedback that you think could have been a meaningful difference if it had been embraced earlier?

Speaker 1:04:25

Oh, interesting. So two things come to mind. One, I wish I would have just started it sooner. I had this thought, the idea in my brain for from 2013, 2012, 13. It took me till 2019 to create. But I wish I would have started it sooner so the impact could have been felt sooner.

Speaker 1 1:04:49

Yeah.

Speaker 1:04:49

Um, the youth side. Um, I was I was um resistant to the youth side. And it took a bit for the board and and Brandy and Tyler. Tyler was on the board just convincing me um that we need to really address youth. And now look at 509 teens and and the work that you guys are doing with Dawn up in the upper county. And yeah, um, so that those are the first things that come to mind because if we can intervene sooner, oh my gosh, right? Yeah. So um, those are the things that come to mind.

Speaker 3 1:05:25

Yeah, I love that. I I think Brandy and Megan really shoving the idea and the teens and really nurturing that is so beautiful. And you know, that was the whole point. As far upstream as we can get to be able to, it's so interesting when Brandy shares talking about like the idea and like creating it. It's for her own kids. Like at the base of it, you know, they just wanted to go walk around Safeway, if I remember correctly. And it's like, oh, and do what? Just hang out. Well, what the hell are you gonna do at Safeway? Yeah, just hanging out, like it so quickly leads to just rough housing and getting in trouble and

Light Closer And Gratitude

Speaker 3 1:06:00

getting kicked out, throwing things over the aisle. Yeah, maybe somebody dare somebody to steal something, you know. It so quickly leads to that. So having the vision to just like have a space, like even just so quietly for her own kiddos, to be able to like bring that to the whole community. Because like when they say it takes a village like that, it's so real.

Speaker 1 1:06:17

It's so real.

Speaker 3 1:06:19

So yeah, anyway, I have one joke question.

Speaker 1:06:22

Let's hear it.

Speaker 3 1:06:22

Listen, David, what's my name?

Speaker 1:06:24

Monica.

Speaker 2 1:06:25

Listen, what moments where I'm convinced you cannot recall my name, young man.

Speaker 1:06:32

I'll share this with you and for everyone to hear. I forget names.

Speaker 2 1:06:35

I believe it.

Speaker 1:06:36

I forget names. All uh this is a weird thing, it's kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy. I'll go to introduce someone that I've known for years to someone new, and I'll forget their fucking name. So, yes, I've forgotten your name, I'm sure.

Speaker 3 1:06:49

You nailed it. You introduced me without hesitation, and you just answered without hesitation.

Speaker 1:06:54

Perfect. Well, thank you for joining us. This has been a really good one. Um, and thank you for coming. And this is the part where I go here and we give a thank you very much. Thank you so much for joining me. This was perfect.

Speaker 3 1:07:08

Thanks for listening.

Speaker 1:07:09

Have a great rest of your day.