Raising Strong Girls Through Wrestling (w/guest Tatum Pine)

What does it really take to build confidence that lasts longer than a winning streak? Coach Tatum Pine, head of the Ellensburg High School girls’ wrestling team, joins us to share how a young program found its voice through grit, gratitude, and a fierce commitment to respect. From Vegas roots to Central Washington mats, Tatum opens up about stepping into leadership at 24, learning from a powerhouse wrestling family, and creating a team culture where hard things are an expectation, not a punishment.

We dig into the practical side of coaching girls differently and better—holding high standards while keeping open ears, modeling effort by training alongside the team, and turning “I have to” into “I get to.” Tatum explains how a moment of perspective shifted her entire approach to competition, transforming nerves into presence and results into growth. She shares the habits that matter most: doing the basics well, staying coachable, cheering after losses, and carrying yourself with head high and shoulders back—on the mat and everywhere else.

This conversation is for parents, coaches, educators, and anyone who believes sports can teach life. We talk about the power of a strong circle of influence, why visibility in girls’ sports changes communities, and how taking one step—any step—often invites confidence to catch up. If you’re looking for a grounded playbook on building resilient athletes and resilient humans, you’ll find it here.

If this resonated, follow the show, share it with a friend who coaches or parents an athlete, and leave a review so more people can find these stories. Your support helps us keep the conversation going.

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Transcript

Meet Coach Tatum Pine

SPEAKER_00 0:08

Welcome to Deep Dive with Dr. D. Glad you're with us. And uh I say every guest is a special guest, and everyone I'm excited for, but I am certainly excited to have Tatum Pine on with me. And she is kind of my conduit because I know her brother really well. He was a student at Central, and I got to know him, got to know you, and really the Pine family. They're known. Kevin Pine. If you're in the wrestling world, you know the Pines. I mean, that's what I've learned in the Pacific Northwest, probably even more so. So that's who we have today. Um, and here's the only question that I don't give my guests pre-interview. So um, introduce yourself to the people. Maybe thinking about people that are gonna listen to this and they don't know you. Who are you?

SPEAKER_02 1:00

Who am I? That's a loaded question. Um my name is Tatum Pine. I am currently living here in Ellensburg High School. Uh I am the Well, you're living in Ellensburg, probably not at the high school. Oh, sorry, yeah, Ellensburg, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:18

People might get confused. We are a small town.

SPEAKER_02 1:21

Yeah, that would be that'd probably get me in trouble, actually. Um, I am the head coach for the girls' wrestling team at the high school.

SPEAKER_00 1:28

First year, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:29

Second.

SPEAKER_00 1:30

Second year. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:31

Last year was our first year.

SPEAKER_00 1:32

And first female coach?

SPEAKER_02 1:34

Yes. We just started the um girls' wrestling team last year. Okay. And so this is our second year having it.

SPEAKER_00 1:42

Awesome. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:43

And so then it started at the middle school a couple years ago, and I was able to be part of that first year as well.

SPEAKER_00 1:48

Oh. Started at the middle school. Before the high school. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:52

One year before.

SPEAKER_00 1:53

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:53

So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:55

So you live in Ellensburg, you coach the girls' wrestling team at the high school. What else do you do?

SPEAKER_02 2:01

Um I'm a student full-time at Central, PE in health education major.

SPEAKER_00 2:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:07

I'm a personal trainer as well.

SPEAKER_00 2:09

You are. Uh you know my neighbor. Yeah. Um Sharon? You know Sharon too?

SPEAKER_02 2:17

Yeah, I was like, I'm pretty sure Sharon lives on this room.

SPEAKER_00 2:19

How do you know Sharon? Okay, she goes to the gym. Trainer. And um Russell, uh, she works uh Kara Kara? What's her name? Kara. Kara. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 2:27

Yeah. They live right next to you. Yeah. You know Kara.

SPEAKER_00 2:30

Yeah. I I know of her. I mean, we've said hi once or twice. Yeah. Yeah, she's cool. Okay. So those are the things you do. You're earning your you're gonna earn your degree. Um, those are the things that maybe pay the bills, I'm assuming, because you're a trainer. Um what else?

SPEAKER_02 2:48

Well, raised in Vegas, moved around a bunch of times.

SPEAKER_00 2:54

Uh you were in Aberdeen, though, too, right?

SPEAKER_02 2:57

I was in Aberdeen. Yep. I got my associates from Grays Harbor College.

SPEAKER_00 3:01

Okay, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:02

So I lived there for a couple years.

SPEAKER_00 3:05

Uh Josh went there too? Yes, he did. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:08

And you know, Katrina was raised. You ready? Cosmopolis.

SPEAKER_02 3:13

And Causey, wow. That's just Aberdeen, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 3:16

Yeah, it is. Her parents lived in the same house for 40 something years before they moved. They live here in Ellensburg now. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:23

I didn't even know that Causey was like a town itself.

SPEAKER_00 3:26

Uh yeah, it is.

SPEAKER_02 3:27

I just thought it was you just kind of.

SPEAKER_00 3:28

Suburbs, the suburbs of Aberdeen.

SPEAKER_02 3:31

That's so funny. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:31

So you earned your associates from Grace Harbor? Yes. Yep. Went to high school in Vegas. In Vegas. Wow. And of course everyone thinks of Vegas, they think of Vegas, but there's a whole city. It's huge. Massive.

SPEAKER_02 3:43

I wasn't living in Leicester, no.

SPEAKER_00 3:45

No. That's good.

SPEAKER_02 3:46

Um Yeah, but grew up there, grew up in uh Las Vegas, and then I've moved several times since then.

SPEAKER_00 3:56

What brought you to Ellensburg?

SPEAKER_02 3:58

Um Well, I was living on the west side and it's pretty gloomy over there, and I got my associates, and I was just working and I was pretty bored.

SPEAKER_00 4:08

Where were you working?

SPEAKER_02 4:09

I was well, do you know where Elma is?

SPEAKER_00 4:11

Yeah, I know where Elma is.

From Vegas Roots To Ellensburg

SPEAKER_02 4:13

I was living in essentially Elma outside of Alma, actually, and then I was commuting to Olympia every day for work because a screen printer. Oh. So I was like making like shirts. Okay stuff.

SPEAKER_04 4:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:24

Don't know how I did that. But I was doing that for a bit and then um was super bored out of my mind and wanted a change and wanted to get out of here.

SPEAKER_00 4:32

Well, yeah, you were living in Alma?

SPEAKER_02 4:33

Yeah. Well, I was living in Porter, which is outside of Alma. And then Josh and Kateri were moving to Allensburg, and Josh had me come visit Central to come like take a check it out. Yeah. And I came here and I was like, I'm not moving here. This is a small town.

SPEAKER_00 4:53

Okay, you were living in Porter. Elma.

SPEAKER_02 4:57

But I was like, there's no way I'm moving here. And I just kind of come out, I would come out, hang out with him. Um and then I was just, well, I'm not doing anything else. I'll just move to Ellensburg because it's easy to find housing out here. Yeah. So I just decided one day I was like, yeah, sure, I'll move there, whatever.

SPEAKER_00 5:15

Okay. How long has that been?

SPEAKER_02 5:18

That was uh almost two and a half years ago now.

SPEAKER_00 5:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:22

And I remember like moving here and signing a three-month lease because six months was too much of a commitment for me. Wow. Because I was like, if I don't like it, I'm gonna move.

SPEAKER_00 5:32

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 5:32

And so I made sure to find a short lease. It's a three months.

SPEAKER_00 5:36

Are you still at the same place? No, I'd move from that place. But you signed a one-year lease now.

SPEAKER_02 5:41

I I just did, and it was a big commitment.

SPEAKER_00 5:43

Yeah, okay. And so we met you the first time at one of our student dinners, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_02 5:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:51

You came here.

SPEAKER_02 5:53

No, I think that we were at a restaurant.

SPEAKER_00 5:55

Oh, we were at a restaurant.

SPEAKER_02 5:57

I believe so. I remember Josh invited me out to come hang out with you guys, and we were at the place Cornerstone.

SPEAKER_00 6:06

You're kidding.

SPEAKER_02 6:07

Nope. Okay. Oh, I remember.

SPEAKER_00 6:11

I do remember. I remember where we sat. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 6:13

And then we went to that comedy show at Central afterwards because you had an extra ticket and you were like, yeah, going.

SPEAKER_00 6:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:20

And I was like, this is so fun.

SPEAKER_00 6:21

Yeah. God, the comedy. Was it funny? Was he good? He or she?

SPEAKER_02 6:25

Yeah, I think it was. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:30

Homecoming. It was homecoming, I think. Yeah. Super cool. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 6:35

That was my first time meeting you.

SPEAKER_00 6:36

So that's a couple of years ago.

SPEAKER_02 6:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:38

Because Josh has graduated.

SPEAKER_02 6:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:40

And so I'm assuming Josh, your older brother.

SPEAKER_02 6:43

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 6:43

Yeah. Um, uh, he's gra it's been not even a year.

SPEAKER_02 6:49

Yeah, Peach graduated in June.

SPEAKER_00 6:51

Yeah. Wow. And they're in Tri-Cities. Got a baby.

SPEAKER_02 6:56

With a little baby.

SPEAKER_00 6:57

First time being an aunt?

SPEAKER_02 6:58

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 6:59

Oh, you're gonna be a great aunt.

SPEAKER_02 7:00

Oh, thank you. I yeah, I've already established that on the cool ant. Yeah. Teaching her young too. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_00 7:06

Super cool. Okay, so um I've met your mom and your dad.

SPEAKER_02 7:13

Yep. You came to the baby shower.

SPEAKER_00 7:14

I did. Baby shower?

SPEAKER_02 7:16

Not the baby shower, the uh gender reveal.

SPEAKER_00 7:18

Aren't you? I did.

SPEAKER_02 7:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:20

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And I think I also met him at graduation.

SPEAKER_03 7:24

Probably.

SPEAKER_00 7:25

Probably. Your dad's a legend. I I mean, he's I've done some reading about him and like just talking about your guys' family as a wrestling family. And like it's and it's he's still wrestling. Still competing. I know.

SPEAKER_02 7:42

He just keeps going.

SPEAKER_00 7:43

Good for him.

SPEAKER_02 7:44

I know. Everybody's healthy, you know. Use it.

SPEAKER_00 7:47

What's your end game with your degree and Ellensburg and You know, I'm still figuring that out.

SPEAKER_02 7:53

I really I've always loved coaching, and it's always been the idea that I want to coach at the collegiate level. To do that, I need that piece of paper, that bachelor's. Um so that is one thing. But I understand that life has a funny way of working itself out and whatever your plan is, it typically strays from it. So I'm getting my degree and I'll see where it takes me after that.

Starting A Girls’ Wrestling Program

SPEAKER_00 8:21

Okay. So you've got at least a year left. Yes. A year and a half, maybe. Okay. But you're liking coaching at the high school? Yeah. Yeah. Have you met my son? You may not meet him in rescue in passing, yeah. His office is right off of the commons. Right there in the main hallway, right by the basketball where you probably wrestled. Yeah. Yeah, you gotta mess with him now. Okay. Tyler Douglas. Tyler. Yeah. You gotta mess with him in some way.

SPEAKER_02 8:51

I saw him probably a couple maybe like a month or so ago. I I saw him and I was like, I know who this guy is, but I couldn't place it.

SPEAKER_00 8:59

Yeah. That's him. You want to do a question?

SPEAKER_02 9:02

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 9:03

Okay. Well, thank you for the cool introduction. Yeah, that's kind of a loaded question. This one interviewing you, it's you know, I'd like to get Josh on here so you're um, but I'm getting to know the Pine family at a deeper level through this interview with you because you guys, um, it's just super interesting and cool. Um, I I love Josh. Um, like he, you know, in my time teaching at Central, we've done this thing with having kids over for dinner, and and I remember him and Damani being in my I think it was intro to business class. They always sat by each other, and Josh was always highly engaged in the classroom. I'm like, I want to get to know him. So we we got to know him through the dinner, and uh, super good guy, and you are amazing at just the little bit that I've gotten to know you, so this is why I'm really excited for this. Let's do a question. This will be great. You come from a well-known wrestling family, and now you're coaching the girls' wrestling team at Ellensburg High School. What has it been like stepping into that leadership role so early? Because we're talking about age, and I know you think you're old because you're 24. But what does that mean to you?

SPEAKER_02 10:16

Um, yeah. I have a lot of really great role models. So, yeah, coming from a family that has experience in the sport and then tons of experience coaching at every single level.

SPEAKER_00 10:32

Um, all levels.

Stepping Into Leadership Young

SPEAKER_02 10:35

Yeah, it's really great because I have, you know, a lot of role models to look up to. Uh, for me personally, I think I I've always been like a leader in the room. When I was in high school, uh I was team captain my junior and senior years, so oh now I was in a room full of a little bit. For wrestling. Yeah. And then I was in a room full of um little high school boys. So I kind of just knew that I had to speak loud, be clear, hold my head up high. Um and so I feel like I started essentially like leading and doing that stuff really early on. Um, which luckily it's kind of a natural inclination for me, uh, because I love to do that stuff. And then I just kind of even while I was an athlete, I knew that when I would help my teammates and watch them succeed, I got a lot of satisf satisfaction out of seeing them do really well. So I just always knew that I wanted to coach because I I hope seeing other people, you know, excel and do well makes me really happy. Um yeah, so being so starting to like actually coach like on paper, being listed like as you know, coach or head coach.

SPEAKER_00 11:50

You're on the website. You're there.

SPEAKER_02 11:52

I'm official.

SPEAKER_00 11:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:53

Uh it just kind of feels like a natural next step. Yeah. It feels like I've been doing it for so long. Um, but it's definitely interesting being a head coach now. It's very different than just running a practice room. There's a lot that goes into it. Uh so you kind of put on your different caps, you know. Uh so it's a lot of fun, and there's been plenty of times where I've called my dad and either, you know, said sorry for being a butthole all those years of being a you know a young teenage girl and giving him so much slack, and then um asking for support and advice because it's things that he has gone through. Um and so I feel very lucky uh to have a family that has this background, even Josh, you know, and like and Kateri, like having support from all angles and things that they can relate on and give support on. Um I feel very lucky. Gosh, I'm so blessed.

SPEAKER_00 12:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:56

Yeah, that's really cool.

SPEAKER_00 12:57

So you've been raised in this environment. Pretty much. So when you say uh because there's there's some good books, and I'm trying to see if I can pull it out, but there's a really good book on on talent and how we develop talent, and is it natural or is it environmental or is it structural? And my belief that it's not natural, that it is more environmental, the environment you were raised in, the opportunities you had access to over others, right? And all of that. And so you you mean you come from your dad has wrestled his whole life, right? And then your brother, and then you, any others?

SPEAKER_02 13:37

Um, my uncles on my dad's side.

SPEAKER_00 13:40

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:40

All of them, and then you know, all the boy cousins.

SPEAKER_00 13:44

Oh, wow. Lots of wrestling.

SPEAKER_02 13:47

Oh, yeah. It's just a family thing.

SPEAKER_00 13:49

So when you s is when you say it comes naturally, it in some ways, naturally, because that's all you've been exposed to.

SPEAKER_02 13:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:58

What makes you you you um coach Tatum? How would how would one of your one of your athletes describe you?

SPEAKER_02 14:07

Oh, that's a that's a tough one. Um how would my athletes describe me? I want to know. Um well this year, so I mean, okay. We started the program last year, and these two seasons have been polar opposites. Last year, first year of wrestling, I had majority seniors on the team. And so you're dealing with, you know, 18-year-olds. This year I have freshmen sophomores on the team.

SPEAKER_01 14:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:38

So the way that you go about it is very different because you have to acknowledge who am I working with? Um, what is getting through to them? The way that you talk to an 18-year-old's gonna be different than a 14-year-old. Uh so yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:55

Are you are you tough?

SPEAKER_02 14:56

Definitely.

SPEAKER_00 14:57

Would they describe you as as as as tough?

SPEAKER_02 15:02

On them.

SPEAKER_00 15:03

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 15:03

I think so.

SPEAKER_00 15:05

Caring?

SPEAKER_02 15:06

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 15:07

Easy to talk to?

SPEAKER_02 15:09

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 15:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 15:10

Um, I know that because they will talk to me about anything. Sometimes I have to, you know, tell them.

SPEAKER_00 15:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:17

You know.

SPEAKER_00 15:18

Some coaches have and and I've seen different coaching styles. Some coaches don't allow that. Yeah. They have that strict boundary, like we're here to wrestle, we're here to do this, no fault, but you're more you'll listen and you'll hear from them.

SPEAKER_02 15:32

Yeah, when you're working with young girls, the way that they respond, it's not like boys. Like if you try to teach, if you try to coach boys and girls the same, uh, it's not gonna work out for you. Um and I've like You've coached boys. Uh during the summer I was coaching freestyle, so I had to work with I got to work with a lot of like the boys, like the high school boys and some middle school, and I've been in those rooms and they respond to things very differently. You tell them, you if you yell at them.

SPEAKER_00 15:59

You might not answer this because this is live and some of your athletes might hear you, but what would you prefer, boys or girls?

SPEAKER_02 16:05

Girls.

SPEAKER_00 16:06

Okay.

Coaching Style: Tough And Caring

SPEAKER_02 16:07

Um, I'm an advocate for growing girls' sports, and I can see the uh the positive benefits that it uh puts on these young girls to be in a sport that is so physically demanding where they are pushing themselves harder than they ever thought that they could, and you're teaching them how to do that. You know, that's not something that just comes. You have to teach hard work to at a point. Um, and so it's not even about like the wrestling, I guess. It's about developing young female athletes because if you can develop like a young, my instance, like female athlete, you're setting them up to have success in most areas of their life. Um, and so I'm definitely they think that I'm definitely tough on them. Uh but also coming from somebody who has collegiate wrestling experience, hard work is different at that level uh than what it is at the high school level.

SPEAKER_00 17:14

What percentage of the girls you do you think want to really do wrestling for life?

SPEAKER_02 17:22

Um, I have a bunch of freshmen this year, and I know that a lot of them are very interested in continuing on to wrestle. Uh so it's about teaching them how to work hard through the wins and the losses to keep their head up and to be coachable. That's the biggest one is teaching these young athletes to be coachable so that way when I can push them out the door uh and have them wrestle collegiately, they can be, you know, strong athletes and excel in anything. I was actually just telling a few of them the other day that they need to uh go and after high school, they need to go wrestle collegiately, come back so I could have some workout partners. So I was telling them that they need to be doing that so that way I I have some gain. Yeah. Get some workout partners.

SPEAKER_00 18:13

I had the opportunity to be the faculty affiliate. You're reminding me of this with the central softball team. Cool. And so I was attached to the team for six years, and and uh I'm also a huge proponent of female sports. Uh in fact, uh Katrina and I go to the central basketball games and watch the girls and then leave. Yeah. I'm not like a hit on the boys, but like they need the support. We we kind of joke like the band's always at the boys, but never at the girls. The band was at the second half of the girls this last game. It was exciting. But I saw that same thing with softball, like you know, you see these disparities between male and female sports, and I think it's garbage.

SPEAKER_03 18:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:52

Um, so I appreciate hearing that you're an advocate for the girls' sports, and and that's very much needed.

SPEAKER_02 18:59

Yeah. Yeah. I think that we all definitely help each other. Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:05

Good.

SPEAKER_02 19:06

Especially in this area, it's still such a small um sport, but everywhere else in the valley, like we're in the toughest district in Washington, you know. We have some of the top schools um in the state and our district itself.

SPEAKER_00 19:21

Central Washington?

SPEAKER_02 19:22

Yeah, like in like Topanish, like in the valley and everything, like Topanish Othello, like top programs. Wow. And then we're you know, it's we're a growing program.

SPEAKER_00 19:32

Good. Good. And I'm assuming you have support from the administration, obviously. Yeah. Yeah. Good.

SPEAKER_02 19:38

I feel very lucky like to have my first head coaching position be in a place that does have a lot of support from all angles. It's really cool.

SPEAKER_00 19:48

Good. This one I want you to think about for you.

SPEAKER_03 19:53

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 19:53

Okay. Wrestling is a demanding sport that builds discipline, confidence, and resilience. We were talking about that for you as a coach. That's what you're wanting to teach the girls, but I want you to think about this for you. What lessons from wrestling have shaped who you are off the mat?

Why Girls’ Sports Matter

SPEAKER_02 20:12

Uh, probably probably shaped a lot about me. Um yeah. Learning how to hold your head up high in any situation. Um sometimes in like wrestling, uh, maybe you are, you know, a world team member who, you know, is yeah, I you're trying to get your shot to go to the Olympics this year, and I'm wrestling and I'm about to walk on the mat with you. You know what? That is tough. That is a tough match. Uh, and I have to be able to hold my head up high and go out there and wrestle and compete and do the best that I possibly can without letting those thoughts of doubt and fear and everything get to me, which is hard to do, and it took a number of years to learn that. But to change that mindset of okay, I have I'm about to wrestle this person who you know is a phenomenal athlete. My chances of winning are slim. But what can I do? Like what like how much can a fight can I put up, or maybe I can catch this person um because everybody is beatable and what can I do to make you remember this match? Like things like that where you controlling your mindset um and just holding your head up high. Because if you walk into a room with your shoulders slouched down and your chin is down, you know, that's not walking with a bunch of confidence. Even if you don't know what you're doing, hold your head up high, put your shoulders back and almost fake it till you make it, but just yeah, I think that that's been a really big one. Um because even I've been in tons of situations where I don't know what I'm doing. And I just alright, well I can get through anything.

SPEAKER_00 22:04

Figure it out.

SPEAKER_02 22:05

Yeah. If I don't know what I'm doing, ask a question to figure it out. If it's not that kind of situation, just you know, do your best in whatever it is and yeah. Um respect uh being uh showing respect even in situations that you know you'd rather go throw a fit about. Uh you can't do that in the real world, and wrestling definitely teaches that. You need to shake your opponent's hand, you know, shake a coach's hand, even if you know, even if you don't think it's fair. Uh so I think that's really been a big one. Um yeah, I think that just learning how to present yourself.

Lessons Wrestling Teaches For Life

SPEAKER_00 22:49

I think uh the one like showing up. I'm hearing you say show up, but not just show up. Show up in in every way I can, like if you're you're talking about going against an opponent, and this is in life too, you know, if you're applying for a job and that person has all the experience and all the skills. Well, I can show up anyway, and I can put my best effort and I can at least say to the people that hey, I was here and I tried, and I love what you talk about, and I talk to students about this on campus about um um networking and and being in places. It there's one of my favorite quotes is if you want to get in the game, go to where the game's being played. You don't have to have it all figured out. I mean, you're 24 and I'm 58. I don't have it all figured out. I still don't. I hope I never do. I've always said uh it was when I became Dr. D, it's when I graduated my bachelor's, or I have these achievements, whatever they are. I never want to be done growing, adapting, learning. That's what I'm hearing from you, right? And and and to hear, to know, not to hear, to know that you're coaching young girls with that mindset. Oh, respect. That's a tough one in that I hear people say, well, you you know, you got to show me respect before I'm gonna give you respect. I'm like, no, no, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, pause. No, I show respect always. Um I've you know, I've had some students who, you know, the vast majority, I want to start with this, the vast majority of students I work with are phenomenal, amazing, like your brother, you, you're a student now. Like that are there some students who are less than respectful, and maybe I get emails and I go, oh my gosh, but you know what? I always, always respond in a respectful manner.

SPEAKER_03 24:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:37

Because how can I expect if you know, if I'm the old guy in the room and I'm saying you need to be a good human and all that, I've got to model that behavior.

SPEAKER_03 24:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:45

And that's what I'm hearing you talk about.

SPEAKER_03 24:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:48

I'm guessing that's happened for you a time or two along the way.

SPEAKER_02 24:51

Oh, yeah, definitely. I mean, uh, and it's fun, like with coaching. I feel like I learn like I grow a lot through coaching and like through doing all these things. No, I love that. It's being a student of life, you're never done learning, you're always learning and adapting and learning, you know, you do something wrong, maybe you're not respectful. All right, change it for the next time. Apologize and move on and try to be better. Yeah, no, I think that wrestling uh really creates a lot of uh these characteristics that you don't really think about. And I know, especially coaching such a young group this year, that's pretty much what we've been working on all season. Oh, okay. Um yeah, respect was a big one at the beginning of the season. And now I get compliments from other coaches and refs saying how you know great my girls are like in that regard and how respectful they are, um, and how just a great group of girls they are. And to me, you know, I'm like very proud of it because it did take us a little bit to get there.

SPEAKER_00 25:56

And I'm I'm making a wild guess that you you relay that to the team.

SPEAKER_03 26:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:01

And that like that built confidence. Definitely. Like, oh wow. And I'm guessing some of these young girls, it's hard for them in certain situations. Any young person, you know, if you're especially if you're not being shown respect to to hear you need to show respect anyway. Our default is like sometimes my default is like screw you, but what you're saying is no, we we show up in a positive way anyway.

SPEAKER_02 26:24

Yeah, yeah. And that's really hard for young kids because yeah, if if they're not being modeled at in different areas, and now all of a sudden they have somebody being like, you can't talk to somebody like that. It's like, what do you yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh so, but it's cool seeing those adjustments, uh, and it makes me really proud of them, and yeah, I definitely try to let them know. So when I'm like yeah, harping at them a little bit, I always try to come back and be like, these are the things that we're doing really well. I'm proud of you guys, and so that way they just know that somebody has their back through it, and like somebody is seeing the work that they are putting in because it's not easy. Yeah, good.

SPEAKER_00 27:07

You've kind of answered some of this. We've got two more questions left, then we're getting close to wrapping this up. This has been really good. I think it's a really good message for young people. I hope young people listen to this. Do they listen to podcasts? I don't know. But I I think the message is is a really strong one for well, actually for everyone. Because I was thinking about um, I'm making a guess that some of your athletes go home to some situations. I think of my son and the work he does, and he says, you know, he knows some of his kids are going home to less than desirable situations. And we're in a time in society, and I say this that I'm sorry, kids, we're not showing you the adults in the room, in a lot of cases, are not showing you how to be a leader, right? How to be kind to each other, how to how to talk respectfully, right? And I would gather that this happens in homes for some kids, so that you're that person. I remember Mr. Burmeister, my seventh-grade math teacher, and you read my book, right? I was chaos, chaos. I remember him why because he always showed me kindness and respect. Yeah, some of these girls are gonna remember you for the rest of their life, yeah, and that's a powerful, powerful thing.

unknown 28:20

Yeah, I hope so.

SPEAKER_00 28:23

Okay, you bring a lot of passion and energy into what you do. No, no, no, backing up. As a coach working with young athletes, what do you hope your wrestlers gain from the sport beyond wins and losses? You've talked a little bit about this, but talk some more because I think it's a good message.

Building Respect And Team Culture

SPEAKER_02 28:42

If you have a healthy body, use it. Oh uh we can take it for granted having, you know, being healthy and able-bodied. Not everybody has that luxury. If you yeah, if you have a body and you are capable of pushing it and being able to get stronger, do it. Uh it is cool to be able to do push-ups and pull-ups. Uh, anytime I have the girls do that stuff, I do it right there with them. When they're doing sprints, 90% of the time I'm doing it with them. Um to let them know that those things aren't like a punishment or something that is like the hardest thing ever. It's an expectation. Uh so even when my I had like my seniors last year graduate, I was like, it's an expectation that you guys can still do 10 push-ups next year. Like stay active. Uh that's a really big one. Being having gratitude for your body and like where does that come from for you as a human, as a person? Um, my last year of wrestling in college, um something shifted. It was uh it was actually uh one of my brother's friends was put into a position where we didn't know if he if his body was, you know, gonna be able to recover. He was just kind of in a bad situation and um didn't know where his health was going to be at. And I remember my brother telling me that the morning of a tournament and being like, hey, this is what happened to so and so. Like, we don't know what's gonna happen. He ended up being okay and fully recovered and whatnot. Something like in that moment just flipped. And after that, that was my best season of wrestling because every match that day, I was like, I am so grateful that my body is strong and capable, and I'm so grateful that I have my brother and my sister-in-law and my dad and like all of my friends here to support me. And it was like just that tournament just shifted, and then I just went out and I instead of you know being so nervous for my matches and you know, wins and losses, it was just like I'm alive, I'm capable, my body is healthy, I'm gonna go wrestle. And then I just kept that in my head.

SPEAKER_00 31:20

So being grateful to have the ability to use your body in positive ways to be healthy, to get healthy, that's a really, really good message. It's it's one of my core life beliefs is you know, waking up every day that I wake up, I'm grateful for that, that I can move my feet, I'm grateful for that. Um, you made me think of a uh motivational speaker I used to listen to years ago. Um, his name was Bob Moad, and he had old VHS videos, we used to watch him anyway. You can find some of his stuff on YouTube, and he would just talk about he would give examples of world-class athletes who were paraplegics, who were confined to a wheelchair, but they didn't let it stop them, right? But so for someone who has full physical mobility to be grateful for that, yeah. To be to be grateful that you wake up and and you can do the things you can do. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:16

It's really easy just to take it for granted, and especially when you're a kid, you know, you don't think anything invincible. Yeah, it's like it's you and your life, and it's like this egocentric life. I see every day. Um, but to remember that, yeah, it's I don't know, and I'm and being so active just in my own life and with like uh personal training and whatnot. To do 10 push-ups, that's an expectation to me. Like, especially for uh young females, like it's I'm not gonna give you a high five for it. I think that it's an expectation and you should be strong. And maybe like the world has told us that we don't need to, right? But in my head, that's bare minimum, and you should be able to do it. Um, I'm a little bit nicer just because I am working with little.

SPEAKER_00 33:07

No, but I I think it's good to kind of teach that mindset that you know, if you're just doing the basic things, do you need to be rewarded for that?

SPEAKER_03 33:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:17

I mean, you get to do that. That's where I'm here and you're talking about you get to do this. How great of an opportunity to be able to do these things. It's not a like a guilting thing. I'm not hearing that. No, I really think that's cool.

SPEAKER_02 33:30

Thank you. Uh something that my dad pushes is uh wrestling. The most important thing is having fun. And that is I brought that into coaching, and I have to remind the girls, and it's not always fun, and sometimes they're like they'll roll their eyes. But all the girls, and I remind them all the time, I'm not forcing you to be at practice. You are choosing to do that. Like maybe you have family that's forcing you. I know most of their families, but they're not, like they are choosing to show up, and so you're doing it because you do enjoy doing it, and you need to remember that. It's not, oh, I have to compete or I have to do this. It's I get to, and that's so cool. Like you're in a sport that you're like came out with like your best friends, like every day.

SPEAKER_04 34:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:18

And okay, maybe I'm having a bad day, so now I'm just going to practice a bit harder.

SPEAKER_04 34:23

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 34:23

And it just it's this energy release, and it's really cool. And then all the holding your head up high, learning how to be respectful. Okay, you just got thumped on. You still need to stand up and shake her hand and go shake the coach's hand, and you cannot throw a tantrum on the mat. Uh learning to come off the mat, and even when you're off the mat, you cannot be throwing a tantrum. You can and you if you just got thumped on, you gotta come off and you gotta cheer for your next teammate who's wrestling. Yes. Learning how to do that. We do lots of cheering. I make them uh do all that just because it's it makes a difference when you have people in your corner cheering for you, and they all know what that feels like now. Uh and it helps them grow together too.

SPEAKER_00 35:10

And that will extend right into their lives, like it has with you, with Josh, like with your dad. Um, being, if I use the term a good human in the world.

SPEAKER_03 35:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:20

Um, you made me think of my grandson Alark. He he uh plays football, and he I think he'll be in his third year, but he's just really good on the field. Like he's our more shy, kind of quiet grandson, but you put pads on him and a helmet, and he's just phenomenal. Well, he he struggled um with defeat, and he um his team would start losing, and then I remember one game, he just gave up. He just yeah, and and uh his mom and his dad, Tyler, and and I I pulled him aside, and I just had a time like grandson. Your team needs you. You know, I'm I you're not always gonna win, and just having that conversation with him, and he had so much progress, not just because of that talk with me, but because of coaching. His coaches were great, but people saying to him, the young people, that you gotta be there for your people. It's you it's not always gonna, it's not always wins and losses, like the question says. In fact, that's a little that's a small part of it. It's great to win, but sometimes it's better to lose, right? You find out who your team is. Yeah, yeah. So that's really cool. Alark is 10. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:33

Yeah. So I'm like when kids are that age, yeah, it's just an MBM 10, and then as he's like, What? That's like middle school. Um, and then getting up into like high school, yeah, they really only have like this one view. So it's up to the coaches and the parents and like everybody else around to teach them, you know, how to be a good person. And so sometimes there's you know that frustration because you're like, just be a good person.

SPEAKER_00 37:02

Yeah, what does that mean?

Beyond Wins: Gratitude For The Body

SPEAKER_02 37:03

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So you have to you have to teach those things. And I really hope that for yeah, my girls, uh, it's yeah, it's about um yeah, what are the what are the things that are be gonna be taken away? And remember wrestling season's long, coaching is it's tough, right? There's a lot of energy that you're putting in and uh it's tough a lot of the time. Uh but I remember last season just being like, you know, like sometimes you get a little bit of like that like imposter syndrome, like, am I doing a good job, right? Um and then just talking to the parents and then having them give me some like insight of just you know, they never thought that their daughters were would have the amount of confidence that they did, or they've never stuck with something this long uh or they've never like had a space or they feel they can continue to show up, and that is like okay, like I'm doing something right, right?

SPEAKER_00 38:07

That's good. Yeah, it's good. Okay, we have one more question for you before the final closing questions. You doing okay? Yeah, okay. You bring a lot of passion and energy into what you do. What motivates you to keep showing up for your athletes, especially on hard days?

SPEAKER_02 38:29

Yeah, wow. What motivates me them?

SPEAKER_00 38:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:39

Uh I can have a bunch of 14-year-olds, you know, beginning of the season, we're you know, crying every day at practice. It's hard, they're pushing themselves and they want to give up and they're just crying. Everybody's crying. Um but they are still showing up. They make it a priority, you know, their parents make it a priority. Um and they show me that they are working as hard as that they as hard as they can, as like what they know hard work to be, right? Um and if they can do that, so can I.

SPEAKER_04 39:23

Yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_02 39:26

Yeah, I've I've told them that they inspire me. I actually just wrestled in a tournament a couple weeks ago.

SPEAKER_00 39:31

You did. Wow.

SPEAKER_02 39:33

Um, I haven't competed in years. I mean, stopped college wrestling in 21. So about five years. 26, yeah. So four and a four years. Um just because I wanted to do it. Okay. Like to push myself. So I did it. Uh I went two and two, so it was exhausting. It's a tough sport. Uh but I just told them, I was like, you guys inspire me, you guys work hard, you guys put the time in. It's not easy, especially because they're so young. And they're wrestling against girls who are seniors, right? Who are physically stronger and who know more wrestling, but they still go out there and they still wrestle. They can do it, so can I. So a lot of it is them. Honestly, it's probably all them. Wrestling has taught me to show up and uh do my best with everything that I do. But it's them that they uh they're the ones showing up, they're the ones, you know, expecting me to show up to be a good person, to be a good coach, to uh coach them to the best of my ability. So yeah. They yeah, they inspire me.

SPEAKER_00 40:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:51

But it's not easy.

SPEAKER_00 40:52

No, it's not. And it's uh, you know, different realm, but my work I do on campus teaching and advising and mentoring, um, you know, there's sometimes where the the um the bureaucracy can get annoying. Um maybe that one student can be frustrating, um, but I always uh keep at my core everything I do is for the students, right? Because I see, well, I hope I know he'll watch this, your brother. Look at him. Look at him go. That's what it's about. I remember him calling me not so long ago and saying, I got the job. And I think he had called me from his office. I don't remember if it was from his office, but he's like I think he called me Dr. D. I don't know if he's ever called me David. He's like, Dr. D, I have a work truck and a laptop and a phone. I'm like, good for you. That that gives me goosebumps, you know. Zach, who's been graduated for a long time, he lives in Tacoma, my hometown, and he's got two kids now, and and he'll send me a mess. Yeah, that's right. He uh he uh the struggle, you he's like, Well, I'm I I need to sell my tickets, I can't go to the game because of my family. Um that's what keeps me going, you know? That's the powerful stuff, and I'm hearing that same thing from you because it's not always easy, it's not easy being a coach. I'm look I'm sitting here listening to you when you say, you know, you've got I don't know how many girls are on your team and you know, first part of the year and they're all crying, I'd be like, shut it down, shut it down, I'm out, but you don't. Your presence is a powerful presence for those girls, and that's really cool.

SPEAKER_04 42:32

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 42:33

Yeah. Okay, we're nearing the end. You ready?

SPEAKER_03 42:37

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 42:38

What's a message of encouragement? Now think that someone might listen to this on a day when they're in this space. What's a message of encouragement you would give to a young person who's trying to find their confidence or their place?

SPEAKER_02 42:52

In anything?

SPEAKER_00 42:53

Yeah.

Athlete Inspiration And Coach Motivation

SPEAKER_02 42:54

Oof. Um, trying to find your confidence or your place. We all are. When it comes to confidence, hold your head up high with anything that you do. Uh sometimes yeah, sometimes you gotta fake it till you make it and it'll turn into something, right? Um, and if you don't know what you're doing, like I feel like I'm yeah, still figuring out what steps I'm doing, why, you know, everything. Uh any step is better than no step.

SPEAKER_04 43:33

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:34

And so putting yourself in different situations and positions, it can be scary, but you just do it and then from there you figure something out. You figure out, oh, I don't like that, or oh, I don't want to do this again. Or you're like, okay, well, then this this position put me in contact with this person who opened up my eyes. Right. I mean, just us meeting was because Josh was like, Oh, come out to dinner. And then I mean, I feel very grateful for meeting you and the support that you've given me of like living here. Um Um and so finding confidence and finding your place is take steps because you're gonna go somewhere, you're gonna figure it out along the way, and just hold your head up high with everything that you're doing.

SPEAKER_00 44:22

I've heard you say that several times during our talk is is you know, hold your head up.

SPEAKER_03 44:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:28

Um be confident, maybe even when you're not feeling confident, but put your put yourself out there, try things, and that that's half my life. Like you, you know, we were talking before we started, like I'm still trying to figure this out. Half of the accomplishments I've accomplished, I I had no idea, no idea what I was doing or where it was gonna end up. And I love that you talk about that thing about when we put ourselves, when we when we take a risk and we put ourselves in situations, that situation might not work out, but we meet someone and we end up down this whole other path. And it's because we're like, okay, I'm gonna suit up and show up, I'm gonna see what happens. Not really sure. That's a good strong message. So I want to ask you. Um uh, this isn't in here, and then we're gonna close this up. Who are your people? Who do you lean on?

SPEAKER_02 45:22

Oh, my family.

SPEAKER_00 45:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 45:24

Yeah. Uh Josh is a big one. Yeah. Uh I'm really grateful to have such an awesome big brother. Um yeah, he's a really good person. Him and Kataria, and I see them, the family that they're building. Uh, I look up to them a lot. I try to let them know that because I'm so proud of everything that they've done and the growth that they've done together and uh yeah, growing up with that as a role model is really amazing. Uh my dad is huge, so I call him all the time just for like support, especially when it comes to coaching. Um, even if I'm just like, I don't know what I'm doing, just have some support. And his philosophy is something that I bring into my life, and Josh is the same way too, of like be a good person and yeah, taking risks and putting yourself out there and do what makes you happy. Because at the end of the day, that's what life's about is you know, being happy and being there for your family, and yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:38

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_02 46:39

Yeah, lean on my family.

SPEAKER_00 46:41

Yeah, I'm not surprised.

SPEAKER_02 46:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:43

Who's someone outside of your family? That maybe you you you lean on, maybe you can't get a hold of your brother. You can't get a hold of your dad.

SPEAKER_02 46:54

Um, I have some really amazing friends. Um my best friends, they don't live uh in Washington at all. But calling them I think that there's different people in my life that I'll talk to for different reasons. Um I have like one of my friends, Kamoa in Utah. She's a great person to talk about talk to about just like uh dealing with like like emotions. If I'm feeling like just like really overwhelmed, she can kind she has like this really just great way about of just like kind of just bringing me back down to earth, you know. And so uh yeah, I feel I have different friends who for different reasons.

SPEAKER_00 47:40

I think that's pretty I think it's pretty common. Um I I ask that because I strongly believe in uh and I preach and teach about having a strong circle of influence, you know, the four or five people that you are able to communicate with and talk with about the different aspects of your life, and you're you're the product of that, really. Your your family is really that circle of influence that you're the product of your your dad. If he's listening to this, like I've only talked to this guy once, but like I'm in awe and and really like I wish I would have had a dad like him, right? You know, um your your brother, huh? I'm gonna shake off the emotion, but you know, your your brother's just uh just what you described. Yeah, like him and him and Kateri just rolling by so we can meet Olivia, right? Just for a moment. And I and he as he turned to walk away, he turned at me and winked at me, you know, and I'm and that was that message of look at me, you know. Not not in a pompous way, but I'm so proud. And and we didn't we said her name a couple times, but Kateri's a force in and of herself.

SPEAKER_02 48:46

Oh, I know.

Finding Confidence And Your Place

SPEAKER_00 48:48

She's fucking badass, like she's so cool, and and it takes a minute to get to know her, you know. She's a little but like wow. Um, but your circle of influence in life is so important. Um, and that evolves and changes along the way. Um, but yeah, so good. Okay, we're gonna wrap this up. You ready?

SPEAKER_04 49:06

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 49:07

What's a question you've always wanted to ask me? And to preface this, you just read my book and and I looked and you sent me a really nice message anyway. So we'll see what happens here.

SPEAKER_02 49:18

Um the first time that I met you, Josh gave me like a little, he was like, he's you know, he's very, he's very outgoing, or exactly.

SPEAKER_00 49:27

You got the the Dr. D warning. Yeah, I know my friends do this with me. Go on.

SPEAKER_02 49:32

And like as soon as I met you, yeah, you're just like this beacon of light. You're just very positive and just like you just were very welcoming. Here I am, just this, you know, one of your students' little sisters coming. And you just, yeah, you're very welcoming. And how do you, I guess because every anytime I've sat down with you, it's always the same. You know, you have this radiant energy. How do you like maintain that?

SPEAKER_00 50:00

How do you I think you touched on it earlier about you know, and you wake up, you kind of tell yourself, Yeah, you know, gratitude and whatnot, but well, I shouldn't start it with this, but I'm not always like that. Um, in fact, I'm gonna say this on here. You know, when I get done with this, I need to go talk to a friend because I wasn't me in a conversation, but I I I wasn't that person that I want to be, and so I need to apologize, right? I'm I'm human. But here's I want to bring people in. I want people to feel a part of. Why? Well, because of my story, right? I did not feel my junior high and high school, junior high was atrocious. It was I was that scrawny kid, you know, carrot top, we used to call gingers carrot tops, redhead, and my seventh grade year going home every day was just like I didn't feel a part of. Even in my family, I didn't feel a part of, I didn't feel wanted. Um, and so that's that innate thing in me that I want the opposite, right? I want people to feel a part of. And I remember when I met you, Josh, is like, my sister's gonna come and I had the extra tip. I get excited, I'm like, oh, cool, come on, I want you to come. And that those kind of settings is like I am kind of that person. I want everyone to feel comfortable. Um, you know, the Seahawks, we're going to the Super Bowl. And the the coolest thing I love about these kind of periods of time with sports teams like is it brings people together. Like we're gonna, I'm gonna do another Seahawks rally downtown on Saturday. And it's a a space and a place where people can come together and just feel together. That's what it's about for me. Because people have done that for me. Even with all my craziness, there have been people, you know, when I rebooted my life, and even in the chaos, there were people along the way. I think of my grandma Hesselwood, I think of my Uncle Gary, even my mom, who had a lot of struggles and issues. Um, but then in my uh late 20s, when I rebooted my life, there were people that brought me in. So I want that for others. That's the long-winded answer to your question. Is and and I'll close with this and then we'll be done. The more of us that do that, imagine the world we could have.

SPEAKER_01 52:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 52:23

Is it always gonna be like that? No. Is are we gonna are we gonna trip and fall? Yeah, are we gonna make mistakes? Yeah, but um, you know, the the unfortunate, crazy time we're living in, I want it to just go away. And I think it'll go away. It'll pass, but it's gonna pass by all of us doing the things we've been talking about here, mutual respect, being respectful even when you're not getting it back, right? So, anyway, does that answer your question?

SPEAKER_02 52:51

Yeah, you want people to feel seen.

SPEAKER_00 52:54

Yeah, yeah. Katrina's like like that. We were just chatting about her and jazz or size, jazz or size and her becoming a jazzer size instructor, like that was like just expanded her sunflower. It opened up, right? And seeing that happen, if if I can be part of that for someone, I'm all in. If I can if I can be that light for you in some way, shape, or form, let's go. Yeah, there it is. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. Thank you for joining me. This was really good. Um, I hope everyone has a great rest of their day.

Family, Mentors, And Support Circles

SPEAKER_02 53:29

Thank you.