Deep Dive with Dr D

What If Being Available Is The Real Success - w/guest Cecil Velasquez

• Dr. David A Douglas • Season 4 • Episode 1

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0:00 | 49:58

He comes across calm for a reason. Cecil Velasquez has lived the kind of life that forces you to choose: keep drifting toward chaos or become the person people can count on.

Cecil and I talk about the moments that shaped him most, including being in trouble as a teenager, the reality check of juvenile detention, and the gut-punch phone call that his best friend had been shot and killed. We connect those experiences to what he values now: family, community, accountability, and showing up. If you’re a parent, a mentor, or a manager trying to lead with steadiness, you’ll hear exactly how “being present” becomes a skill you can practice, not just a nice idea.

We also get real about recovery and behavior change. Cecil shares what led him to change his relationship with alcohol and marijuana, how his wife’s recovery first motivated him, and why it eventually became a decision he made for himself. We dig into harm reduction, the hidden cost of daily habits that seem “functional,” and what starts to shift when your mind is clear and your money is still in your account. Along the way, we touch on faith, purpose, loneliness, and the power of second chances when the right person believes in you.

If you’ve ever felt stuck, ashamed, or alone, this one is a reminder that growth can start with one honest choice and one honest conversation. Subscribe for more, share this with someone who needs hope, and leave a review so more people can find the show.

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Welcome And Meet Cecil

SPEAKER_02

Okay, welcome to Deep Dive with Dr. D. Happy Sunday morning. What a gorgeous weekend in Ellensburg. Um, supposed to get 70 today or something like that. Really? Like 65, 70. Uh, and maybe that's tomorrow. Anyway, good weekend. Uh, I have with me my uh guest Cecil Velasquez. Uh, we'll we'll learn a lot more about him today. Uh, but my shameless plug, I forget to do it from time to time. If you haven't gotten it yet, there's my book. It's available wherever you buy books, and this one is yours. Awesome. Yeah, enjoy the read.

SPEAKER_00

I will.

SPEAKER_02

It's uh I call it the uh short uh story of the wild ride of my life. Yeah. And I was just talking to someone, who was that? We were just talking about something, and they're like, Oh, you're talking about chapter four. I'm like, oh yeah, I am. Um so uh yeah, I have Cecil with me today. Uh we've known each other a couple years, I think. Two years ago.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, um yeah, two years ago when you did stand up.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, and I think had you just come on then?

SPEAKER_01

I was on uh I was on leave of absence. You were so I was on the leave, and then I came back and they were like, hey, we're having a stand it.

SPEAKER_02

I was like, okay, cool.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And I remember uh I'm gonna have Cecil introduce himself, but um, I remember I just I'm an observer of people and places and things, and and you really like impressed me from day one. Um, you know, man to man, guy to guy. I want you to hear that um because you just have this nature about you that is really like calm and cool and collected. I'm sure you get fired up about something ask you about that. But but I think the the big thing we actually ended up switching, you know, where I had maybe been thinking about, but that's not why I switched, but how you are with the people that work for you, we're gonna talk about that a little bit, and how you are with people that walk in the door. Like you'll you're you're kind of just hanging out, but you're not like hanging out laissez faire like you're just super cool. And I'm guessing you deal with people who are stressed, right? Oh stuff. Oh, yeah. So that really impressed me, and it made me want to get to know you. And so here we are, um, two years later, and uh welcome to the podcast. So uh let's kick this off with what I usually do, and I ask you, you know, if you got the camera there and nobody let's say no one knows you. Who are you? And whatever you want to share personally, professionally, tell the world about Cecil.

Family First And Showing Up

SPEAKER_01

I mean, I'm just an average guy, you know. Um, there's actually a um Luke Combs song that um that I love every time I hear it kind of explain that like that's me. Like just me. Middle of the road, average Joe, not much to show. Yeah, underachieving, you know. Um I'm a hell of a lover, damn good brother. Oh, but I when I wear part on my sleeve, like that's me. Like, yeah. Um, you know, I I'm I you know I love my family, um, I love everybody that's in my life. Yeah, um, I'm just trying to be a giver and a uh take care of people who are any when I can. Yeah, um I like that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I was I was just talking with uh a friend uh uh last night, what you just said about, you know, I'm just a I'm just an average guy and I just want to give to the world. And him and I were sharing that because he's doing really well in life and and he's I'm like, you know, you're you're just a a good all-around human and person. He's like, that's just I just want to give to the world.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I just you know, I don't I don't I don't feel like I'm anybody special, um nothing like that. Yep, I'm just me. Yep. Uh I mean, yeah, you know, yeah. If that makes sense, makes purpose at all, you know.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I always say to people, you know, that they're like, wow, look at you. I'm like, I'm just a kid from the streets of Tacoma, yeah. Who was dealt a pretty crappy hand, right? Yeah, right, and uh and I just I've been fortunate to get up and out, and so I want to live my life, Katrina and I, and and give back to the world in in positive ways.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I mean you'd see um people probably see me and be like, so you're you're a store manager at T-Mobile, like you're you know, you're nothing, you know, it's it's nothing special. Um, but uh based on where I came from and the struggles um to me, uh this is something for me.

SPEAKER_02

It's huge. Yeah, it's big. Yeah, and it see, and that's what I'm talking about. Like it shows it's it comes out of you, you're not even intending, but you know, when people meet you, I guarantee you other people would say the same. And I've seen you in the community now. That's part of why I was like, oh, this guy's this guy's a cool dude. You're at you're at your daughter's events, and and I you may not know this, but I was sitting up back in one of the games, and you were sitting kind of down here, and I was watching as people would come in and they'd see you and they'd want to say hello to you. Like that's that's pretty fucking cool. Yeah, right. Again, for guys that have come from some places to be to people want to say hi to us. 100%. That's that's pretty good. Yeah. Okay, so tell tell us about your family.

SPEAKER_01

Um family. Um, I have uh I'm married, have a wife. Um we started dating in 2017. Um we got married in 2019. Um she had a uh six-year-old little girl uh when we first started dating, and she has a son as well. But uh he's got he's he lives in on the west side with his dad. Um but uh you know um we all quickly became a little family. Um at 10 years old, I adopted uh Brooklyn and um we just yeah we're we're this is she's gonna be uh she's 15, she'll be 16.

SPEAKER_02

Um yeah, that's that's and I see um I see your post and when you and I have talked that's really important to you. Yes. You know, being being a family guy with your wife and your daughter and and community and all of that.

SPEAKER_01

Very much yeah, that's that's that's really cool. If anything, that's probably uh the highest thing on my priorities. Yes, no, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I uh we just had the boys over, my son and grandson's, and and we're sitting there, and and grandson Anthony's like, Grandpa, let's go to the skate park, you know, and what you know, and at first I'm like, uh, and then I'm like, okay, let's go. Yeah, you know what? And me and Tyler and the two grandsons, we go down there and we just sat, we got a couple pictures of it, and it's just like that means the world to me. Yeah, right? That's like that's where it's at.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, totally. Yeah, yeah. Super. Yeah, that's yeah, like I said, you know, at you see, um I'm at my at Brooklyn's games, you know. I I I don't miss anything. Like, if I can if I can avoid I can, I do. I'm there.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. So so tell us the you just the brief story you told me about your wife and you. You guys have known each other a long time.

SPEAKER_01

We yeah, so we actually went to high school together. Um, we went to high school together. Um, we didn't hang out in the same crowds, nothing like that. Um she knew who I was, I knew who she was. Uh, you know, we maybe have ended up at a couple of the same parties or something like that. Yeah, I was a troublemaker, she was not. Um, and you know, lives later, um, all the way to 2017, you know, when we first kind of uh you know, she kind of reached out to me and we have pretty much talked every day since then. That's super cool. Yeah. Where'd you go to high school? Uh Linden High School. Linden, that's right. You said that. Remind me where Linden is.

SPEAKER_02

Uh Linden, um North, uh, if you go uh go over I-5, yeah, and literally go, it's it's on the border. It's right on the north. On the border.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

So way north. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Is that where you were raised? Uh yeah. Well, yeah.

Moving Here And Building Work Life

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, we were yeah, well, Whatcom County is kind of where I was raised. Okay. Uh born and raised, actually. I lived in Texas for a little while for a little bit of a little stint of of life between there. Cool. Um, but pretty much born and raised in uh Whatcom County, Bellingham, Ferndale, Blaine, Birch Bay, Linden areas. And uh remind me what brought you to Ellensburg. To Ellensburg? Um, so we were living uh well after after Tiffany and I first started dating. Um I was uh there was some straw, I had some struggles, um, and she was like, uh she's like, hey, you know what? Um you want to move down here? Um I can help get you a job at T-Mobile.

SPEAKER_00

I was like, oh sweet.

SPEAKER_01

I had been a I had a uh I had previously worked for a uh plumbing wholesale company for like 13 years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was just kind of like at a certain point, I was just like, I'm done. It's like I'm done, I can't do this anymore. Um so were you guys dating at this time? We were dating, yeah. You were? Yeah, yeah, we were dating at that time. Wow. So she so she was like, and she was like, uh, so she's like, hey, if you want to move down here, can help you get a job. So we were moved, we were living in Everett. She lived in Everett at the time. Okay, got it. So I moved to Everett. Okay. Um, we lived there for a little while, we did our thing there, and um we have uh uh I used to be a part of uh the Bearded Villains Beard Club. Yeah, okay. Um a couple of the guys live here. Uh so you know, so uh um So you've been here. So I've been here, yeah. We we used to come here every year for Christmas parties. We'd have the Christmas party at their house every year, you know, we'd do donations and that sort of thing. Um, but uh you know it's it was a cool little town. And then uh my wife's all her family pretty much lived here. Her dad, okay, her dad lived here, uh her mom lives here, her grandparents lived here. Um there were some strong connections. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, her both of her sisters lived here. So that's cool. So like, you know, well, me personally, I don't I don't really have anything. Yeah, so if you know if that's what you want to do, let's do it. Yeah, let's do it. I ain't got nothing holding me over here. And how long ago has that been now? That was in 2020. Okay, yeah, yeah. Oh, right during the pandemic.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, the COVID. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

We probably a year after a year, people were like, How you guys like it over there? We were like, don't know. We don't know. Not sure yet.

SPEAKER_02

That's cool. So yeah that store's doing well. T Mobile, I mean, every time I drive by the street, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

We uh we opened that that store opened in 2020. Yeah, it did. Yeah, because they closed the sprint store.

SPEAKER_02

Had they closed it yet? They hadn't closed it yet, it was still there.

SPEAKER_01

Um, like a year and a half into the in after that uh is when we when T-Mobile bought Sprint and then kind of all that stuff.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, okay. Yeah, I always like to hear you know how people land in Ellensburg, whether they're you know, five-time generation. Yeah, you know, I was born and raised here, or I hear a lot of I was born here, I left. I think of my friend Andy Ross back, you know, generations of family here. He left, lived in Portland, I think it was, came back. You know, I hear uh Katrina's story is one, she came here, there's a lot of these, came here to go to school and never left. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

You know, yeah. I mean, you know, in it just working for T-Mobile, you know, I've got so many people like, oh what are you doing here? You go to school here, like, no, I did.

SPEAKER_02

Um I'm still here. Still here. Yeah, I you know, my plan 25 years ago, I came here to be closer to my son, yeah, who had moved to Yakima with my ex-wife and came here with Fred Meyer. And it was not I didn't have any plans, but here it is. Here we are. I love Ellensburg.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah, it's a it's a it's a it's a nice little town. Yeah. Let's do a question. Sounds good. All right. It's almost like homework now. Does it feel like that when I send the questions? I've never asked. No, no. Does it cause you stress? Um, maybe at first. A little when you send them.

Juvie And A Friend’s Death

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. And then I was kind of like, okay. I try to frame it like it's just gonna be you and me talking. They're they kind of help guide us. So um let's do this. You've lived a full life and you've built something meaningful meaningful for yourself and your family. When you look back, what moments or lessons shaped who you are today?

SPEAKER_01

Um, probably a couple different things I can think about as I was young, like a teenager. Um, uh probably the first time, um I was in trouble all the time.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

I was in trouble all the time. In and out of juvie. I think you and I ran with the same crack. In and out of jubilee. I was in Tacoma. You were you were up in Linden. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you know, people think they're like, oh, you're in Linden, what are you like just a small little quaint Dutch town?

SPEAKER_00

Like, uh you know, it's yeah, I get that. But you were running.

SPEAKER_01

I'm gonna find trouble. Yeah, okay. We're gonna find trouble with Nutra. If so, if you want to find trouble, you're gonna find it. Um, you know, so I got I was in and out of juvie. Um, and it was cool. It was alright, it was whatever. My dad would bail me out. Oh, it's okay, my dad's gonna bail me out. Oh, uh and then uh I kind of got in trouble uh a second time for kind of the same one of the same offenses, and they were like the judge was like, Okay. Um and my dad was gonna bail me out, and my oldest sister was like, Dad, no. Oh let him think about it. So I sat there for She didn't get the call. No, Velasco. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know that sound, right? Yeah, so it didn't come. So no, it didn't come. So uh I was there for nine months. Um, they sent me to uh what I always call a kitty prison, um Nacel uh youth camp, I think is what they called it at the time. Um so that kind of really like was like whoa.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

I was like, all right. Um at that time I think I was I was 15 because I turned 16 in there. Uh and then still kind of like oh so that was kind of a that was kind of a little bit of an eye-opener. Um and then not long after that, um I was trying to trying to figure out myself. Sure. Um I was trying to, you know, I was I was 16, 17, I was turning gonna be 18, you know, now, you know, the years are going by. And um at 16, uh not long after that, um, I went to visit my mom in Texas and and I got a phone call that my best friend had been shot and killed. Oh wow. And that was like wow. Oh wow. Um so that was another big eye opener of hey, you need to do something. You need to figure it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you need to figure it out. Yeah. Uh and that's kinda that's kind of where it was like, okay. Um after that, I left uh once I finally got home to Washington. Um I pretty much I've been working ever since then. Like uh, you know, I just then I just kind of was like, no, this is what I have to do. Like I can't, you know, I I'm not gonna go to I'm not going to kitty prison anymore. You know, you're going to big boys. Yeah, yeah, you're going to big boys, yeah. Yeah. Um so that was uh that was.

SPEAKER_02

So wait, so it's a myth that jails jail's cool. You totally missed. I know I totally totally missed it. It's like, no, when there's something about when that door closes, yeah, and you hear and you that realization that your freedom's gone. I don't care how cool you are, jail's not cool. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Laying on a cement pad with lights that never turn off. Yeah. People telling you when to get up. People telling you when to go to the house. When you can eat, yeah. When you can't eat, what you eat. Yeah. Yeah. It's uh yeah, um, that was a big uh those two.

SPEAKER_02

So those two times when when your when your fri oh man, when your friend died, when um your dad, your your sister said dad no more, yes, right? Held up a mirror for your dad saying you're not helping him. So you spent nine months. So those were momentous times.

SPEAKER_01

Very yeah, yeah. That was kind of where it was like, hey man, you gotta figure something out.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. So when when you were did you try calling your dad to say, hey, will you get me out? Or did you know he wasn't gonna?

SPEAKER_01

No, um, he he like he he would come visit me. He called me and come visit me all the time, all the time. Yeah, like even when I was even when they sent me away, like like we lived up in, like what I was saying, up in almost about yeah, yeah, yeah. I was a little upset. Yeah, um, like what the heck? Yeah, you know you always did this before. Yeah, yeah, why? Um uh probably even more mad at my sister. Ah you know, oh yeah, like what are you doing? Like you're messing up my game here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%, yeah. Um, but my oldest sister was always she's always been kind of like our mother.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Like I have a uh I have two sisters, so yeah. Okay, so she's always plays like our mother, like just even just a little while ago, like a week or so ago. Um I was uh had a little struggles and uh sure first, you know, hey they you call her and you talk to her.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, it's my brother, yes, like my oldest brother. Yeah, he was a father figure to me a lot along the way. So that's interesting and I asked that just you know, so people can kind of hear, because I get a lot of uh calls and I talk to people about helping people find a path to recovery, right? You know, and it's that thing of you know, when you keep giving and keep giving to someone who's in act abuse, are you really helping them? Are you hurting them? And I remember much smaller scale. I had gotten arrested and got thrown in Raymond Hall in Tacoma, and my stepdad at the time, um, he let me sit in there, and it wasn't nine months, but it was like, I don't know, four or five days, and it was like, oh shit. Yeah, this sucks.

SPEAKER_01

I've heard stories in Raymond Hall.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah, it it it sucks. Um, so I I like to say, and I'm hearing this with you, you know, that you're you knew your dad still loved you, you knew your dad still cared about you, but you also learned that dad wasn't gonna keep bailing you out, that you had to be held to count for your actions. Yes, 100%. And that's helpful, 100%, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's I was gonna say super cool interesting.

SPEAKER_01

Had that not happened, uh who knows what I'd be doing right now.

Leading Without Leaving People Behind

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, you know. It makes me think of the time that I went to my grandma Hesselwoods and her pictures on my desk in my office on campus. And I was in my mid-20s in Tacoma, and I was kind of trying to turn things around, but kind of full of shit, you know, but kind of b doing this dance, and and I went over and I I needed a place to live. I was couch surfing, you know. Yeah, and I couldn't didn't have a job, wasn't you know, sufficient at all, self-sufficient. And and I went over and I asked her and sat, you know, I called her. This is old school before cell phones. Can I come and talk to you? And she's like, sure, she loved me, right? I knew she so she said, sure, come over. And I'm like, hey, can I live with you and grandpa? And she just calmly said no. And I remember leaving there, kind of pissed off, a little upset, but also, yeah, why would you let me live there? And good for you, for you know, there was part of me that also knew that, and I'm hearing that with your dad that you know, you knew your dad still loved you, but you also knew I made this mess. I've got to clean it up, right? Yep, yeah. From the outside, you come across, and you really do, like as a very grounded leader. Like you're seriously, dude. I when I've been in there and what I hear from Haley, who is I consider her a friend and someone I talk to, she really looks up to you in this way. So from the outside, you come across as a very grounded leader, both at work and I'm guessing also at home. Educated guess. I've never been in your home, but just from what I tell can tell about you. What values guide you on how you show up as a dad, husband, and a leader in your work?

SPEAKER_01

Isn't not sure if it's considered a value, um, but just making sure I'm there for everybody. Um there was a big part. So you hear talk about my dad. Um my dad was my hero, don't get me wrong.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Um, and not to downplay my dad at all, but he uh and then that portion was like my younger year portion. Um and then after a certain point, um dad wasn't there. That's why I was in and out of jail. Um so adult years we're talking now. Yeah, once I turned probably 11, 12. Okay. Oh wow. Yeah, not even adult years, like 11 or 12 years old. Yeah, you were like you were young. Like that's kind of you know, uh, you know, that was you know, it w he was uh he had his own problems um with alcohol. Okay. So uh yeah, like that was um it was and I don't want to downplay or talk bad about my dad, um, but he wasn't there. And I didn't have the guidance. I didn't have the involvement in my life. You had had it previous, previous, yeah. So you had it and then you didn't have it, and all of a sudden it was gone. And you as far as I mean, or at least that's you know, from what I can remember, you know. Sure. Um so that is huge. Um, and that's kind of why uh kind of like you were saying, like with like with with my daughter, like uh I am I try to assert myself into every aspect of her life. Like I want to know everything that's going on with you. Um yeah, everything. I want to know how's your grades, I want to know how you're doing in sports, I want to be there, I want to, you know, and same thing with my wife, you know. I just want to be there with F for everybody. I just want to be there and make sure that I'm not leaving you guys, you know. Um because you saw the impact. Because yeah, you felt the impact.

SPEAKER_02

I felt the impact.

SPEAKER_01

You had that, and then it wasn't there, and then it wasn't there, yeah. And it caused you problems, 100%. Yeah, so uh a value. I don't know if that's really considered a value, but um that is something that definitely shapes why I am uh the kind of father and husband that I am and uh manager trying to be the manager that I can, you know, and then all in the same sense, you know, I never wanted to be that you know that manager that you don't like working for. You know what I mean? Yeah, we've had those. Yeah, totally. So, you know, I didn't ever want to be a micromanager. I want to make sure, I want to give you guys the the the authority and and the autonomy to be able to do what you need to do. Um so empowering, yeah, yeah, exactly. Um is there some spots where you're gonna have to come and say, Hey, can I do this? Can we do that? Yeah, of course. But that's part of it. Take take the initiative, and you know, and I want you guys I want everybody to I want them to just be able to believe in themselves and take the initiative and understand and know that they can do that, you know, whatever it is that they want it that is that case, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I think there's a lot I hear that same thread, and it you know, I've I had it in my own life where you know you have you have significant adult faith. Whether it's a dad or a mom or an uncle or a brother, where they're there and then they leave. That's like, man, that's really hard. And it can cause us problems and we go through struggles. But just like you, you know, Johnny Rebel's flag is right there. Johnny, my dog is named after Johnny. Johnny was a stepdad who actually gave a shit along the way. And then, you know, he died of cancer and he was gone. And my trajectory changed from then on because I then lost that. Yeah. And it was like, oh man, it was really hard. And why, just like you, I being a father's been my most important role. Being now a grandfather, most important role. But also in the work I do with mentoring students and teaching on campus, I uh you know, my overall goal is to help people see that they have it within them to do amazing things. And and how do we do that? Empowering them, yeah, teaching them the skills and then letting them go, right?

SPEAKER_01

And do those things. I kind of like you saying, like, you know, that's kind of like with Haley. I'm like, yeah, do that. Yeah, like you got this kid.

Changing Alcohol And Marijuana Habits

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah. She's such a she's a she's a great kid. Yeah. And we have that common thread. Okay. Question number three. You've recently started changing your relationship with alcohol and marijuana. Uh, what led you to that decision and what have you been learning about yourself through that process?

SPEAKER_01

Um led me to it um initially um for my wife uh and my family. Um, my wife is in recovery as well. Um eight months. I'm working on nine months. Nice. Um, so yeah, so awesome. That's that's really uh, you know, I'm super proud of her for that. Um, but uh, you know, took me a little bit to figure out that this is what I needed to. Um so uh that mainly is kind of you know, in in over and as as it's gone through, I'm like, you know what, this is actually for me too. Yeah, you know, this is for me. Yes, you know, nice, yeah. It's not you know, initially I was like, you know, I I want to do this for them. But now I'm like, yes, I want to do this for them. But now it's for me too. Yeah, nice. So yeah, so that's um that's kind of what initially started it, but you know, and it's only been a few weeks, but uh that's gonna flip this.

SPEAKER_02

It's been a few weeks, and how great is that? It's not only been a few weeks, it's been a few weeks, like how cool is that?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, um, so you know, um, alcohol, I shouldn't say I didn't really have it wasn't hard for me because I've definitely had my battles with alcohol. Uh I had some really big battles with alcohol. Uh, you know, I was I was one of those guys that was at a certain point, no, not recently, but uh before me and my wife started dating. I was the guy that was um, you know, I was I would go to work, I was a sales guy. You know, a sales guy, oh I'm gonna go hate lunch, go to Buffalo Islands, get some lunch. I can have a beer with lunch. Yeah, why not? Uh yeah, I'll have another one. Yeah, sure. And next thing I know, it's 4 30. I'm like, wow, shoot. Well, all my all my stores are probably they're getting ready to take off. So might as well go home and go, you know, go back to the stomping grounds and and finish it off. So, you know, I'd go back to the local bar um from where I was staying at, go to the local bar, turn it down, you know, you know, close it down, maybe go to a bartender to go hang out with the bartenders or some people, you know, some people from the bar after hours partying, get up, do it all over again. And it was a cycle. It was a cycle. It was just a big cycle. Yeah. And you know, so I would I don't want to say that it wasn't a struggle for me, sure, but I was able to, I was able to be able to get a I don't I don't know if there's such a thing as a healthy relationship with alcohol. Um, but here over the last two years, three years, it's not healthy because I was drinking every single day. Um, but I was still that guy. Yeah, I was that guy that I could go, you know, I would literally I could have two beers. Great. And just be like, yeah, cool, I'm done. You know. Um why, you know, a few a couple months ago, uh I took my stepson back to, you know, drop off on the west side, which is where we do, um, because my wife had to work. And you know, I was like, oh, okay. So I told her, hey, I'm gonna stop at the Nike outlets uh in North Bend. So I did. And then I'm kind of hit Clay Lum finally coming back, hitting Clay Lim. I was like, I'm gonna go to Drew Brew. I can but I was that guy, I could go and I was like, I'm just gonna have a beer. I drank a beer and went home.

SPEAKER_00

Cool.

SPEAKER_01

Um, they said it. I don't know that it's considered healthy, but um at a certain that's kind of where I was at. Yeah, but in the same sense, every single day was yeah, it was it's it's still a pro it's a problem.

SPEAKER_02

You know, it's a problem. That's I I appreciate you sharing that. Um you and I had coffee recently and we talked about this for you, and um you, you know, sharing your wife's in recovery. And um, for anyone listening out here, I I always like to point out when I hear this from other people, it's not just me. Number one, harm reduction works. There's a term in the recovery arena, harm reduction, and you're a great example of that. You reduced your drinking from what was problematic drinking levels to I can have a beer and good. Great. That's called harm reduction, and it's a beautiful thing. The other more important one that I appreciate that you shared, I didn't ask him this, I didn't know he was gonna say this, is that, um and this happens all the time. So, first let me start with the meme we see. And I don't agree with it. It's a myth that nobody's gonna get sober unless they want to, nobody's gonna quit using unless they want to, blah, blah, blah. Now, let me let me argue the myth. Here's the myth is that most people change their relationship with drugs and alcohol because of some external crisis force, whatever. Whether it's family, the courts, something, physical health, right? That's an external motivator to get sober. That mine was I was afraid to death of going to prison. I didn't necessarily, I like doing meth was like, yeah, I should probably do that, but quit smoking pot or quit drinking, I don't know. Yeah, but I did it because of that external motivating factor, and you just said it. Your wife, she's getting sober, and you're like, oh, if my wife's doing it, I might want to consider, and then you said it. As we get in this process of recovery, we realize, oh, and this happened for me. This feels good. Oh shit, not going to jail anymore. My probation officer doesn't want to see me every fucking week. My family wants to see me. Then it's transitioned to that internal so, right? Isn't that a fascinating thing?

SPEAKER_01

So good for you. Yeah. Um, marijuana, like that was that's that's my problem. That's my struggle. Okay, that's my struggle. I mean, the first time I ever tried marijuana, I was 10 years old. He was 10 years old, lived in Texas when we lived where we lived. I had a little buddy that we always used to hang around with. He had a brother that was probably a few years older than us. Yeah. Had a little had a little plant growing in his window. Oh, yeah. He's just he pulled something and he's like, hey guys, go smoke this. And we did. Yeah. Um, and you know, I uh I probably have I'm gonna be 48 and I've probably smoked marijuana better part of 38 years of my life. Long time. Yeah. Yeah. Um and for the longest time, I was like, why? It's not a problem. Yeah. It's not a problem.

SPEAKER_00

Um there's nothing wrong with it. Doesn't hurt anyone. Yeah, it'll hurt me. Not hurting me. I'm fine. I don't go to jail. I can fun. I still function, you know. Sure.

SPEAKER_01

I'm still good. I still get up. I still go to work every day. I still, you know, I still I'm still involved with my kid, you know, I'm still involved with my wife. Um, I still do anything and everything that we want to do if we need to, you know. It doesn't hurt me.

SPEAKER_00

Yep.

SPEAKER_01

Um but yeah, um kind of like you said, like like we were just saying, like uh after a while, I'm like, this actually feels really good. Yeah, you know, you know, uh, and that was that one is the surprise for me because not really a surprise, but yeah, um, that's where I struggled. That was my struggle. Yeah, that's super cool.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I I uh, you know, kind of like you, I was the guy who, you know, this is way back when I'm in my early 20s and before I met heavy drugs, I drank and smoked pot, and I even smoked cigarettes, you know, and I was I was like, I go to work, I'm not hurting anyone. Yeah, what's the problem? But you know, once for me, once I discontinued use of everything, I went, oh, number one, I'm saving a lot of money. That's pretty cool, right? Yeah, number two, I wake up with a pretty clear head now, you know, and all of the things that then come after that we find the value in that, you know what, maybe you don't need this.

SPEAKER_01

It's crazy that you know, that just kind of like you said, you're like, oh my god, like you know, I mean, I realized obviously I knew how much money I was spending, yeah, but it didn't really click.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

So, you know, at a certain point, I have like a excuse me. We have like a uh, so I have like a little my own little slush fund that I would have and a little card, you know, my you know, my wife would set up a little direct deposit for, you know, um this part of my check, a little bit of my check goes into a different card for me. Great. Um and and I was always, you know, every time I'd get paid, I'd be like, oh, gotta go hit firehouse. Yeah, gotta go hit firehouse.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And then that that funds were done, we're gone. And I was like, dang. Yeah. And then the first time after the first time after these first couple for these three weeks, I was like, I got money. Dang, I still got money in there. Like, what the heck? Yeah. You know, so you know, yeah, yeah, you don't you you realize, but you don't realize. Yeah.

Loneliness And The Drive To Grow

SPEAKER_02

Well, good for you, and I appreciate you you know being willing to talk about that. I think it's good for people to hear. Like, you know, I'm I'm big on everyone's walk is everyone's walk. Your walk is your walk. I'll always be here to support you. I'm telling you that on this recording, I don't care what, you know. Um, and uh I think the more of us, even within the recovery community, that have more open minds to what different paths of recovery can look for different people, the more lives we're gonna save. Yeah. So good for you. Super cool. Last question before our two closing questions. This has been really cool. I really, really appreciate this. Um, you've talked about, and and you, this is the other thing that you get a sense about you when you first interact with you, and it's what's like this is this guy's got this. You've talked about having gratitude for your journey. Okay? Even with the past, that wasn't always easy. Like you and I have some similar paths, right? Child, crazy childhood, a lot of problems as kids, even navigating adulthood hasn't always been easy, right? How has that perspective shaped the way you approach growth and change today?

SPEAKER_01

Well, I mean, I'm a very firm believer that things everything happens for a reason. Everything happens for a reason. Um can you repeat the question for me again? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

How you've talked about having gratitude for your journey even with the past that wasn't always easy. How has that perspective, that having that gratitude for the journey, how has that shaped the way you approach growth and change today? I mean like how do how does it when you're mentoring or managing or being a dad, how does being in those roles, how has that been shaped by your past?

SPEAKER_01

Again, kind of just trying to be there for everybody, making sure that I'm available, um, making sure that just that yeah, that I'm that I'm there that I'm available, like anybody except like a few times. Like my my my staff knows, like uh, you know, my all my staff knows my phone's always on. Okay. Like my phone's always on.

SPEAKER_02

They know and is it just because of that that situation with your dad, or has other things shaped that? You you that's you've said that several times during this. It's important for you to be there. Where does that come from?

SPEAKER_01

I think probably just because I didn't really have anybody. I didn't really have anybody um growing up. Uh I had so kind of uh kind of just a quick back on my story. I was um born in Bellingham. Born in Bellingham, we lived uh we moved to Texas shortly after that. Um I don't even know the the time frame. Sure. Um probably lived in Texas uh because that's where my dad uh grew up. My mom and dad grew up. Um we moved to Texas when I was I don't know, three ish or so. Um my mom and dad got divorced or separated, I should say. Um didn't really see my mom a lot. Um my sisters uh my oldest sister was I think a freshman in high school when she uh ended up getting pregnant and moving out of the house. Oh, so yeah. And then my other sister was a senior in high school when that when she did that. So there's an age difference. Yeah, um my so my uh oldest sister is 55, I believe. And then I want to say my other sister uh is fifty-two. Okay, I think so.

SPEAKER_02

Not huge age.

SPEAKER_01

Not huge, so but they moved out early. They moved out early. Um, then it was just you and my dad. Um me and my dad, and we lived a lot with our grand with my grandparents in Texas a little while there. Um my dad was you know, he had tons of girlfriends, girlfriends here, girlfriends there. Uh, you know, we moved like I got you know, we used to move kind of like you said like you said. But we didn't. Yeah, you said that one day that you know that what we did is we moved.

SPEAKER_02

Isn't that fascinating? That was normal, we didn't know any different, but looking back, like, oh my god. Yeah, so you know, I don't know how to do that. So that has an effect.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, I don't know how many different spots I you know we ever moved to. Um and after so creating friendships, yeah, yeah. And then after that, it was you know, in school there in Texas, I didn't really have a ton of friends. Um, you know, I was uh at a certain point I was a little I was kind of bullied um at and I was really young. Um I was bullied for a little for about a year or so that I can remember. Um and then we moved back to Texas or sorry, back to Washington when I was probably 10. Um lived back, we've been back back here since. So um and then again, you know, and then it was just trying to fit in and not try and trying to find people, and then that's kind of when I fed, I you know, I fell in with the wrong people. Wow, our story. Falling in with the wrong group. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, were they were they were they there for me? Were they my friends? Absolutely, absolutely, yeah. They were yeah, they were they were, you know, as we would say, they were down for me. Yeah, you know, they were my friends. Um, but also came with that problem. Yeah, 100%. So I think I think just in general, like just kind of like that's my whole like I feel like I've always just been kind of me, just kind of me. Alone. Just kind of alone, yeah. That I don't want anybody else to feel that way.

SPEAKER_02

So you want to flip that script. Yes. You and I have very you you I agree with you that the I believe everything happens for a reason, and you and I are supposed to meet for a reason. Yeah. Um, because we have a lot of similarities, and and I, you know, I too in a lot of ways, I don't, you know, I want to be there for people, and um that's really strong for you. Yeah, and and it makes sense, yeah, right?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah, that whole, you know, that whole thing, you know, I used uh I was telling uh one of my employees the other day, yesterday, about that, you know, I kind of had to say the same thing. It's like, you know, everything happens for a reason. I'm a firm believer. Yeah, I worked for T-Mobile for a few years, and I kept okay. I was like, I kept trying to apply for an assistant manager job as I was a sales rep. I applied for probably four assistant manager jobs on the west side before we moved over here. Nothing, nothing, nothing. It's like interesting. It's like what the heck? Yeah, then we moved over here. Um they promoted me to when we bought Sprint, they promoted me to a certain position, and then they sent me to a store in Yakima to help them kind of run the how to show them the T-Mobile ways. Yeah, uh, and then that store then needed an assistant manager. Oh, so I interviewed for that and didn't get it. I was like, what the like what the fuck? You know, yeah, frustrating. Yeah, super frustrating. I hit up my old manager who she was amazing, you know, I loved her so much. Um, you know, I hit her up, I was like, hey, what the heck? Yeah, what's going on? She's like, she's like, don't worry. She's like, I've been there. She's like, You got this. I was like, okay, all right. And then sure enough, a few months late, a couple months later, uh, I was promoted to assistant manager at our new Moses Lake store. Oh. And then from there, nine months later, I was able to promote back to here as store manager. So I was like, And that's what about when we met? Or you were on leave? I was uh no, I was on leave. I was there, I I took over in um I took over as manager late 21. Okay. Late 21. Yeah, yeah. And then I after, you know, when all that kind of happened, you know, I was like, JR, come on, man.

SPEAKER_02

So let me ask you this. What motivated you? What motivates you? Because you've had struggles, right? Even with your great life when you because I it reminded me when I was trying to become a manager at Fred Meyer a lot. It was like you keep hearing no. Yeah, you keep feeling like what's going on, what keeps you going?

SPEAKER_01

Determination. Okay, the drive, I guess. Yeah. Um the want to do better.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

You know, yeah, the want to grow, yeah, um, and not just be stagnant. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, I like it.

SPEAKER_02

You know, yeah. So just I I think I heard pretty clearly, you know, your desire to for your family, for people who work for you, your friends, you want to be there for them. And that's based on you felt alone a lot, and you know that feeling, and you don't want others to feel that.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, 100%. Yeah, even as a easy, even as a as a after kind of all that, you know, that whole, you know, and I was like, hey dude, you gotta do something. Like something has to change. Yeah. Um, you know, I would I I lived in uh you know, I lived probably about 25 minutes away from any of my friends. Um I didn't drive, I didn't have a license, so and nobody wanted to drive all the way out there to pick me up, you know. So I just kind of so I was, yeah, I was I sit. I was out there in this small little town, smaller, way smaller than Ellensburg, you know, maybe a little bit bigger than Kid Tas. Wow. Um, you know, where I worked. I did I had a job. Um my stepmom had got me a job uh at a at a spot, um, but it was just me. Like and I yeah, I would go to work, I'd go home, I'd sit in my room by myself. My dad, you know, my dad and my stepmom were doing doing their thing. Yeah. Um, so uh it was yeah, I mean, I always felt alone. It was always felt alone. So I think that's uh yeah, that's huge for me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Okay. Thank you for sharing that. Of course, that's uh a powerful message that you have chosen to um mentor and be a dad and be a husband and be a manager in a way that people can count on you.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, and that's kind of yeah, exactly. I just want I just want them all, you know. I just want everybody to know that, you know, I'm here.

Hope Through Faith And Support

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, good. Okay, let's wrap this up. So, this is your opportunity to send a message of hope. If someone's listening right now, if they feel stuck or unsure or they're feeling alone and maybe unsure about making changes in their life, what would you want them to hear?

SPEAKER_01

You know what were you longing for? I just wanted I was longing for, you know, just for someone to you know want to just hang out and just kinda um I guess what I I wanted, you know There's always it's a long road. There's a long road, and there's a lot of there's a lot of in front of you. Um It doesn't have to be difficult. But there's there's people there. People are there for you, people are out there.

SPEAKER_02

Um, I I'm I'm hearing, I'm feeling from you because it it can bring me back to when I felt really alone. It can be kind of difficult because when you're in that really lonely space, you know, the thought of reaching out is really hard. Very hard. Right? Yeah. The thought of, is this gonna get better? Yeah, is like I don't know if it's gonna get better. You know, and it it it reminds me, you know, I've said it several times as I've had conversations with people on this podcast, it was just a few blocks over here where I was just completely depressed, full of anxiety, and felt like my life was over and people were doing welfare checks on me. Thank God for those people. Yeah, right. I had law enforcement that came in and said, David, you know, let's get you some help. And so I I get that feeling from you that it can be hard to give a message of hope when you go back and yeah, you're feeling that. Yeah. Yeah. So what got you through? Just um who? Think of the people who who helped you.

SPEAKER_01

Well, um I feel like there was a certain part of my life, what I always call my previous life, where uh I was a big part of the church.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

I was a really big part of the church. Okay. And I think that kind of helped me through some of the years. Yeah, good. Um I think that helped me a lot through some of the years. Uh it gave me purpose. And it showed me, you know, I had I had, you know, I used to do like uh I was an awana leader. Oh, yeah. So I used to do TNT awanas, you know, the the the the the preteen kids. Yeah, you know, it was as cool as could be. Um so I think that kind of helped me, gave me that hope.

SPEAKER_02

And and it it probably helped you kind of uh get out of yourself a little bit because then we're helping other people. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Not so worried about me. Yeah. Not to be dismissive of it. Oh, yeah, right. Yeah, good. So I'm hearing the the church helped you a little bit and being being able to get into a leadership role, um, sharing your story, I'm sure, was part of that, right? Yeah. I've been in a tough spot, and I'm and I'm gonna get through this and we can get through it together. Yeah, yeah, good. So thinking more recently, who have been those people that have really inspired you and empowered you to lift yourself up and out? My wife. Yeah, Tiffany.

SPEAKER_01

She is yeah, she holds you accountable too, right? Yeah, my she is she's my rock. Yeah, that's she's my everything. That's cool. Um, I was in that cycle that I was telling you. I can do that. I was in that cycle. Yeah. And she was like, hey, you can come over here, you can come down here and and I'll help you. She's like, but I have two kids and you can't do this. Yeah. And I was like, okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. So you heard it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And you were ready. Yeah, I was ready. That's cool. Um, I always say, you know, she saved me. She reached out and she pulled me out of that. Yeah, that's cool.

Dr. D On Second Chances

SPEAKER_02

Super cool. Okay, we're gonna wrap this up. What's a question you've always wanted to ask me? Oh boy. You put me in the hot seat now.

SPEAKER_01

Um gosh. I guess, you know, I I not knowing fully kind of everything that you're doing, you know, of your journey and what you've gone through. Um, I mean, what kind of got you through all this? Boy, this is, you know, just when I got to the last how many years?

SPEAKER_02

Uh 19. Yeah. You know, if I go way back and I can be right where you emotionally when I asked you that question about when I was in the dark spaces, man, I I it was really tough. Um, but for me, it was it's been I say people, places, and things or moments in time. Um, like when um I hope he hears this officer Sedanial, Ray Sedanial, he's with the Ellensburg Police Department. Um, when some of my friends, Katrina was one of them, we were just friends doing welfare checks and having the police come check on me. Um when he came in and he he got on his n on a knee because I was just laying there, just like and he looked me in the eye and he showed me he showed me humanity. You know, he's a cop, but he wasn't being a cop. Yeah. You know, when when people have been able to be human with me in a way, and and I've been able to receive that dude. That's helped me. Um you know, my my son, who's like he he lives his life in a way like he's r he's he struggles and he in and goes through life and he's a dad, like I admire him as a dad. He's helped me a lot in ways that he probably doesn't know. And just like you, Katrina, you know, we were all sitting down there chatting, and and uh her her drive and passion for life helps me to want to keep doing that for myself. Yeah um and things like this, dude. Like this, this is this is the gold for me. Yeah, you know, this is the gold. Um so I say people, places, and things, but really those people along the way. I'm thinking career-wise, Kevin Roof, who's now retired from Fred Meyer, he gave me a chance years ago. I was early recovery, I was a convicted felon from 1995 to 2010, and in 1998, he got approved all the way to the top to hire me. He saw in me something other than what a piece of paper said. Yeah that shit fuels my fire to want to do what to lift other people up and out.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, that's that you said you just gave you a chance. Like I, you know, I always say that if people didn't give people second chances, I would be nowhere.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, you know, yeah, yeah. I would be nowhere. Yeah. Um not that I'm anywhere, you know. Yeah, probably. No, I think I would be I would be nowhere. Yeah. Um, yeah. You know, you say kind of like your son, you know, like the same thing like like Brooklyn, like my daughter. She, you know, she probably doesn't realize it, but I needed her.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

You know. Yeah, super cool. This has been great. Thank you for joining me. Yeah.